Head in the clouds.

Chapter Eleven.

We made it to the apartment in one piece despite the torrential rain, speeding cars and Amy bitching the whole way back. By the time i was back into the warmth of my living room i felt the burning desire to rip my own ears off, i couldn't handle it anymore.

"Amy, i love you but will you please just shut up! My ears are about to start bleeding." I flopped down on the couch exhausted by my hectic morning. I turned on the TV and stared at it blankly not really watching but hoping that Amy's voice might be drowned out by the audio. It wasn't.

"You haven't been listening to me have you? Jess? Please!" She sat down  facing me, i could feel her eyes burning into my profile and ignoring her became increasingly difficult when i realized that the remote was on her side. 

"Okay what? What do you want to say about her? That she's bad for me? That i shouldn't trust her? Because i don't care anymore, i don't." I snapped. In that moment my mind went blank, my limbs went numb and it felt like not defending Cara was like hitting a self destruct button. Amy lent forward placing her hand on my shoulder and the moment her skin connected with mine i was hit with a sudden wave of calm, i could see in her eyes that she was only trying to help and so i took a deep breath and pushed the distracting image of Cara's lips meeting mine to the back of my mind. 

Amy relaxed back into the sofa and used the remote to put the TV on standby. "Chick you know i love you, but you just need to hear this. For those two years it took you to get over her you don't understand how much effort Ryan and I put into making sure that you didn't see her, or hear about her or read about her. It was hell. Every single club or restaurant we went to we would have to make sure she wasn't there too because we couldn't deal with you shutting yourself off again, it would have killed us and you!" Her eyes had become wet and i felt my chest tighten as i could see how much pain it caused her to see me hurting. "The thing that hurt me the most was about five months after she left you, we went to that club with all the foam and stuff, remember that? Well halfway through the night she came there too, i was so worried that she would cause a scene or hurt you again, i never imagined that she would do... nothing." She paused and i couldn't handle the silence.

"What? what do you mean by nothing?" I asked, my voice breaking slightly.

"She didn't  go to you, she walked past you to someone else. She didn't smile when she looked your way, she looked through you to another face. She never started a conversation, somehow she ended something with you that had already ended. That broke me and i wasn't even involved with her. I'm afraid for you." She confessed. She looked away unable to meet my gaze. Her concern made me realize just how good she was, how much i needed her. What i couldn't tell her was that with every word she spoke Cara's face became clearer and clearer into my mind, all i wanted was to be with her, feel her skin on mine. I couldn't tell her that i was scared too, but not being with Cara was ultimately worse then her breaking me again. 

After quite an emotional heart to heart, lots of coffee and a Friends marathon Amy was sure that she had made her thoughts about Cara clear and so she left with the chocolate i owed her for leaving her in the club. I turned off the TV and went to my study, i sat down at my desk, plugged my headphones  in and began to write letting my mind wonder as words filled the page. My eyes stung as  i rubbed the sleepiness out of them. I had  been writing for  three hours but it only felt like five minutes, i had got completely lost in the world i was creating word by word. My phone had run out of battery a while ago so plugged it in hearing the slow buzzing noise as it turned back on. The screen brightened showing Twitter notifications and Facebook messages, as i scrolled down further a text appeared.

[5.35pm- Cara] Hi, I need you. 

My eyebrows furrowed as i looked down at the text, my mind not sure whether to look at it innocently or not.

[5.36- Jess] What?

[5.36- Cara] I need you to open your door, it's freezing outside.

A smile instantly slipped onto my face and i bit my lip on instinct. I quickly got up from my desk chair closing my laptop. I fumbled putting on my shoes and jacket whilst almost falling down the stairs, i eventually made it to the door of my apartment building, slightly out of breath. It wasn't raining anymore but it was as Cara said, freezing. A layer of frost was covering cars and gates, when i opened the door and my warm breath made a white cloud in front of my face. She was sitting on the steps knees hugged to her chest and headphones plugged in, she was shaking. I walked over to her slowly not wanting to scare her, carefully i sat my self beside her and wrapped my arm around her waist as she paused her music which was blaring from her ear buds.

She sighed and moved closer feeling my warmth. "Hey you." She said lightly, her nose was bright red.

"Hey to you too. How long have you been out here?" I looked around checking she wasn't being stalked by paparazzi like she usually was but the streets were clear. 

"I've been here a while, just thinking. I saw you through the window typing away, so i thought i would just leave you too it, you looked too passionate to interrupt." She laughed slightly and buried her face into the crook of my neck, her cold skin meeting my warm skin with a sharp pang. 

"Come on lets go inside before you freeze to death or we both get mugged or something." She laughed with me as i helped up from the steps and we made our way to my apartment. Our hands laced together as we ventured up the stairs, Amy's words echoed in my head like the bell of an alarm clock.

"Somehow she ended something with you that had already ended."

When we reached my door that though was so loud in my head it was as if someone was screaming it directly into both of my ears. 

"Before we go in I just have one question." I paused and she nodded slightly silently prompting me to continue. "Why did you come up to me in the club, why didn't you just leave it and move on?" My heart pounded in my chest the moment the words escaped my mouth i regretted them and i wished that i could just pick the from the air they were hanging in and put them away in my pocket.

"I talked to you that day because it was never over, you drove me crazy, you drive me crazy and i couldn't, can't stop thinking about you. I just wondered if you felt it too."

I didn't have any words, everything i had was laid out then and there as our lips connected again, nothing felt fake anymore it all felt insanely, intensely real.