Head in the clouds.

Chapter Seven.

Two Years later:

I don't know about everybody else but the world all seems a bit fake, it feels like it shouldn't be this way. We shouldn't be this way and so we create our own problems like; Oh she's wearing the same dress as me or OMG you cheated on me or Well you murdered someone. I mean all of these are valid issues, accept maybe the dress one, but they all seem fake. Now that she's gone nothing is real anymore, emotions are numb, pain is harsh and joy is rare.

I lift my face from the bar and take a shot of something i can't remember ordering.

"I'm dying." I state. Amy frowns and Ryan pats me on the back reassuringly.

"Everyone's dying." Ryan deadpans, he then gathered his courage and saunters over to the girls he's been flirting with across the room all night. I sighed feeling my chest deflate and then turned back to Amy, who hadn't had a drink all night so she could make sure we all get home okay without getting into the wrong taxi or getting kidnapped by Paparazzi.

"So you're dying? Please explain." She says with a genuine look of concern. Everyone has a length of time it takes for them to get over someone they loved. I thought it would only take me a month or two at the most, that after that many weeks the memories would fade and the feeling would dull, eventually my mind would allow me to move on. It turns out two years is how long it took for me to attempt to forget, i can still clearly see the fresh tears in her eyes as she hopped into the taxi. At least now i want to forget.

I down another shot.

"I am dying like a fish out of water!" I state. "I need to move on and tonight is the night because what better night is there then a Tuesday night?" It had turned into more of a declaration and as the bartender handed me yet another drink he clapped to show his support. I winked at him and took a sip of the fiery liquid within the glass. Amy and I turned around to face the dance floor at the same time. The music pulsed through out the room, vibrating through the walls and doors, through the people so their bodies swayed and moved together to the beat. People were dripping with sweat, swiping their hair away from their foreheads and then wiping the backs of their hands across their faces without breaking eye contact with their latest partner who they probably met two minutes ago and for all they knew could be a murderer. Bodies rived against each other in a huddle of sexual tension and passion. In a second of courage, or intoxication I jumped in becoming one with the crowd, blending into to find someone i'd been waiting for for two years, someone who could help me move on.

A month after she left i was in a state of complete depression. Everything and everybody reminded me of her, at every memory a deep, sharp pain would shoot through my chest. Minutes blurred into hours and hours blurred into days. I would spend weeks at a time locked indoors, writing down every single thought that would come into my head, hoping it would cure me of my broken heart. I didn't talk to anyone about anything. No one seemed to understand what it was like to have loved someone so unique and addictive, and then have it ripped from your life within the blink of an eye. Of course none of this actually worked, how could i forget her if i spent all my time writing everything about her? My system of moving on was as broken as my heart, my attempt to fix myself was just me picking up the pieces, rather clumsily, and then spreading them in front of myself on full display without even attempting to put the pieces back together. When i finally left the house something good happened. Just remember i said good, not amazing or miraculous but just good.

I didn't even attempt to dance because i knew i couldn't without sacrificing the tiny fragment of dignity i had left, so i worked my way through the crowd of people, searching for the spark in someones eye which makes you wonder who they are, the spark that sets them apart. As passed blank face after blank face not one of those people had a glimpse of the depth in their eyes that she had in hers. 'No! Stop!' I told myself 'Don't even let yourself think about her, it's not worth it!' I kept moving. It was like walking on stepping stones, if i stopped i would drown amount the the waves of strangers and the ripples of noise, i couldn't bare to lose myself, not again. Last time i was broken, now i was messily put back together and as i moved further and further into the room i could feel the gaps butchered into my heart stretching bigger and bigger, slowly tearing the stitches open and in turn tearing me apart as well and i had no clue why.

I stepped outside my apartment building as the clouds split apart above my head and the tears of heaven tumbled to Earth like fallen angels. I pulled my dark green beanie from out of my coat pocket and placed it snugly on my head, i figured it would be one more layer lighting would have to strike through to reach my skull. My scruffy leather boots crunched on the dead leaves scattered across the once damp, now drenched pavement. I pulled my grey coat closer to my body and buttoned my plaid shirt up to my neck. My black jeans stuck to my legs as the rain changed direction, catapulting me into my face with a full on water assault, reminding me of never fading childhood summers spent in my grandparents lush, well kept garden fighting a colossal battle with water pistols. I looked down at my jeans for a split second trying to see how wet they were and trying to decide how long it would take them to dry when i collided with someone, hard. I automatically apologized whilst stumbling for my footing, my arms gripped there's and we plummeted to the ground like the thunderous rain. I should have been angry, i was literally sat in a puddle, but when i looked up she was smiling too. She was in hysterics actually and i couldn't help but mirror her reaction. Our eyes met through a stream of rain and fog.

"I'm Charlie and i am truly sorry!" She admitted.

"I'm Jess." I laughed. "But i'm not sorry that was great, who doesn't love a surprise trip?"

It was too dark for me to see my watch but i could tell time was passing by slowly. Strangers movements and the pace of the beat stilled as the natural light erupted from the entrance of the club like a split in the ground allowing light into hell. I had absent mind-idly been making way to that door. Every beat of my heart thumped in my chest sending blood to my veins as bullets. I was just standing there like a statue with insects and parasites buzzing around me without making contact and as the light dimmed there she was, the queen bee walking into the club as everyone turned and stared. I never would have thought i would become another face in her crowd.

The shopping center we had wandered into was packed with people all going in completely different directions. It seemed as though Charlie and I were the only ones without a pressing objective. All we desperately wanted was to get dry.  Her long brunette hair stuck to her face as she, every now and then, turned to get a glimpse of my profile. Every time i felt her gaze on me i couldn't help but suppress a smile. Eventually when things died down we found a cute, quiet Cafe in one of the more forgotten corners of the place. We dried off whilst drinking huge mugs of scalding tea. I lightly stared out window, watching the many frantic people power walking by, in that moment it was easy to see why i had shut myself off, it was because it was easier to just sit and feel everything then rush by and ignore it,  just for it to hit me full force later. In that moment i could appreciate the quiet comforting company i was keeping. In the midst of my calming thoughts i heard Charlie blowing on her tea to cool it down and i took the opportunity to to get a good look at this mysterious girl who had just barreled into my life. Her piercing blue eyes were focused on the golden brown liquid within the cup and they sparkled as she concentrated. She had angular features and a thin face with high cheek bones, which most girls would be envious of  but i was too stunned by her beauty to care. Her skin was tanned despite the reoccurring bad weather. When she looked up she revealed an elegant captivating smile, her straight teeth shone bright white. When her blue eyes locked with my hazel ones something clicked. 

"So, What's your story?" She asked in between sips of her tea. I chuckled.

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know. It might take a while, have you got time?" Her smile grew bigger.

"For you it think i just might." She winked and my heart felt just a little bit less damaged.