Mine (Book 2 of the His Series)

Thirty-Six

Ellie

I had stripped my towel and placed it on the closed toilet as I cut the water on to let it warm up. While doing so, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stared hard at my reflection. I had gone through so much in the past year, and I was starting to become happy with who I was becoming. I had gone to the bottom of the barrel and slowly but surely I was coming back on top. I felt like a Phoenix in some way, rising up from the ashes of my own doing. I just hoped that when it came to the rest of my life that I stopped messing up things and getting in my own way. I looked forward to the day when the nightmares stopped or when I stopped feeling paranoid and looking over my shoulder to see if I would be attacked from the back.

Stepping into the shower, I continued to think about it. The warm water hitting my body and my mind on other things made the stimulation so much more realer. I started to shake and cry and slowly sunk down to the floor of the tub holding my sides as I did so. I found that it was getting harder to breathe and so I tried to calm myself down. I had survived domestic abuse, being mugged, and a suicide attempt and I was still kicking. But how long could I keep up this façade? How long could I lie to everyone about how I was really feeling, even from Leo. Though the nightmares were lessened now, they still happened every so often and they were often so nefarious that it kept me up the rest of the night. And the flashbacks, they came out of nowhere. Like, I could be doing something as mundane as making a sandwich and all of a sudden some unknown thing triggers my fears and it reduces me to a trembling heap in the proverbial corner. I had felt so weak when these things happened. I was strong, I wasn't supposed to be like this! All this was, was yet another aspect of myself that made me the pathetic person I had always known I was. Every time I made two steps forward, a was knocked back another six.

As I tried to will myself off of the floor, I thought I heard the door open. But when I listened again, all I heard was the water pelting the shower floor.

"Hello?" I called out

No answer.

I shrugged it off and continued to sit here. I couldn't sit here all day, Brandi would be furious with me if I missed this.

All of a sudden the shower curtain was suddenly pulled back cutting off all of my thoughts and I was met with Leo's face with a certain look in his eye. But when he saw my expression, his eyes softened and was suddenly filled with concern.

"Shit. Ellie, are you okay? What's the matter?" He asked softly

I wiped my eyes quickly and shook my head trying to get through it.

"N-nothing."

Then he did what I didn't think he'd do: he got into the shower naked as a newborn baby and sat down next to me.

"Els, what happened? Are you hurt?" He asked

"No."

He sat next to me and held me, turning off the water in the process.

"You're shaking. Did something happen?"

"I just had a flashback is all."

"How often do these happen?"

"They vary and they come out of nowhere. They usually manifest as panic attacks but it's just as worse."

"I'm here for you alright?"

All I could do was shake my head as the panic attack slowly subsided. Once I regained my ability to breathe again, We slowly got up from the shower's floor and he walked me towards my bedroom.

"Ellie I think you maybe  suffering from PTSD. We need to get you to see a therapist."

"I can't Leo, not now. My credibility is already on the line from my suicide attempt. I still don't feel like I'm competent at times for my patients." I said, looking down.

"We have to do something. I hate seeing you like this."

"I'm such a mess. I hate being so weak."

"Hey, you aren't weak. Not by a long shot. Ellie I swear you are one of the strongest women I know. And that's what I love about you, you get up and you keep going."

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better. I almost killed myself a few years ago, that's not strength. That's not 'getting up and keeping going' that's me finally realizing I don't have what it takes to live."

"I don't want to hear that."

"Leo it's true."

"It's not. And you know why? Because you made it! You are strong and I am so proud of you for dealing with what you have. You're amazing, but you have to see that Ellie."

I nodded in agreement and stayed quiet.

"You're right." I said after a few minutes of silence

"Can I hug you?" He asked me quietly

I nodded and he wrapped his arms around me tightly rocking me slightly and murmuring in my ear that everything would be okay. I sincerely hoped that he was right.

Leo

After taking the fastest showers of our lives, Ellie and I were currently speeding down the turnpike trying to reach the church for rehearsal.

"Okay El, which is quicker: interstate or down town?"

"Intersta- Wait, it is lunch hour so either way we're screwed."

"Interstate it is."

I got into the turning lane to get onto the interstate and then sat there as the light stayed red. By this point it was almost 12:10 and we were already late as it was.

"Brandi is gonna have our assess for this." I groaned

"And knowing her, probably your balls too." Ellie giggled

I smirked and looked up at the light again.

"I don't know how when they're already owned by someone." I commented as I pushed the pedal to go.

Finally!

"Man, you really have changed. I remember a time where couldn't no woman keep you leashed and you feared no one."

I peeked out of the corner of my eye at her and smirked again.

"It takes a special woman. Now, I'm no punk, I'm only soft for that special someone. And I still fear no one. If they want to go, I'll give them all they want."

"Duly noted." She said

We were speeding at 80 miles and hour on the interstate trying to get to the church on time. Luckily there were no cops and we got there without a ticket. After parking in the parking lot, we both got out of the car and rushed inside. As soon as we got into the church, Amber was on us quickly.

"Where have you two been?."

"Sorry, we got stuck in traffic." I quickly lied

"Brandi already thinks you two are here, so you need to hurry up and get dressed. Well I'll hold her off, you two hurry up and get dressed into your dresses and tux."

"Alright alright. I'll see you letter Els." I commented as one of the groomsmen, Eli, pulled me towards where the men were getting dressed.

"See ya." She called as Amber dragged her away too.