We fell asleep at around 3 in the morning talking and laughing throughout the night. When I woke up. John wasn't next to me anymore. Still half asleep I staggered into the kitchen. John was there making coffee. I leaned on the frame of the door smiling. I could wake up to this every morning of my life, definitely. He turned around and smiled at me. "Goodmorning beautiful"
I laughed.
"I tried making breakfast but clearly don't know my way around the kitchen"
"Theres a place down the block from here. I'll go get ready now"
While I was in the room I heard someone knock on the door. Thats weird, Jason and Lisa weren't going to be home till tonight. Maybe their trip got cut short. They would have called though..
"I got it!" I heard Johns voice say
"Hey who was at the-" I could feel all the blood being drained from my body. No. No. No. Why was he here? Why now. God why did he have to come. Of all the promises he broke why couldn't he just break this one. Why couldn't he just leave me the hell alone.
"Hi Sara" he said. Hi? HI?! Gone for years and he had the audacity to say hi?
"What are you doing there?" I tried my best not to get emotional.
"Didn't you get my post card?"
"I did.. I just didn't think you'd show up." I said without looking at him. John walked over and held my hand. God how much I needed him right now.
"Well it was your birthday so-"
"You came because it was my birthday?" I started, I could feel my anger rising "My birthday? What happend to all the other birthdays you missed. No call. No letters. Nothing!" I spat "What about Jason and Lisa? Huh? Do you even care about them? Your other kids dad? Remember? The ones you left alone when they needed you the most?"
"Sara.." I heard John whispering
"No! You know what "dad" you're not welcome here anymore. You don't deserve to have me or any one else in your life. You left me alone, a fifteen year old alone dad. Alone. And now you want to come back and play pretend? You want everything to go back to normal? No! You lost that right a long time ago"
I let go of Johns hand and ran into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I couldn't cry. Nothing came out. I was just so angry. All my pent up resentment came up, every bad feeling I had forgotten was now being pushed into my mind. I lay there unable to move for I don't even know how long before I heard someone knock on the door.
"Sara?" I saw John cautiously open the door. He looked concerned. I couldn't even answer him before I started sobbing. It was an uncontrollable kind of sob. I just couldn't stop. I couldn't even take breaths in between them. John ran to my side, he threw his arms around me as if he was trying to protect me from everything. I hung to him as I soaked the front of his shirt with tears. Whenever I thought I couldn't cry any more it just started all over again. My stomach hurt and my face was moist. I could tell that my eyes were swollen. My throat was dry and I felt drained of all my energy. I buried my face in Johns chest and tried to calm myself down. He stroked my hair gently,
"You know, he's not going to leave." I heard John whisper
He was right.
"But. but what am I going to do? I don't want him back in my life." I protested
"Maybe you don't. But what about Jason and Lisa? What about them?" He said softly
It hit me. Like a block of cement. I hated him because of the pain he put me through. But Jason and Lisa didn't know half of it. What if they wanted him to be in their lives? I couldn't speak for them. It was their decision to make
John pulled away to face me. He took my face in his hands and looked at me with gentle eyes.
"Just hear him out" he said
