Yours Truly, Levi

Almost, Almost

"Why did you tell them I fell from a tree?" Levi asks as the two of you sit by the fire, boiling water for drinking.

You snicker. "Because it was funny," you say.

"That's just mean. I saved a baby bird. By the way, where is it?"

"It's wrapped in cloth, near my backpack in the shelter."

"Let's hope that it has the common sense to keep quiet," he says dryly. "Or else it might not make it."

"Are you saying he'll be eaten?" you ask, horrified.

"I'm saying that Ham over there looks like he would eat anything he could get his meaty hands on."

Levi studies the pot of water, avoiding your eyes.

"Are you okay?" you ask, leaning closer to him.

He looks up at you, his eyes a steely green. "I don't know." He stands, and you follow suit.

"Maybe I can help you know," you say quietly, taking his hand.

"I don't think... that anyone can." He pulls away.

You close your eyes and rest your forehead against his shoulder, trembling. "Please let me into your life," you murmur, tears filling your eyes. "I want to be a part of you. I want to be near you."

He moves his quaking hand upward, resting it on your head. "I can't..." he whispers hoarsely.

"Yes, Levi! You can. I can... we can make you better."

"I'm not a good person... anymore," he replies. "I've seen too much darkness to ever understand the light. And you are so full of light... all I would do is snuff that out."

Your face flushes. "Heichou... just let me try one thing."

He stands still, as motionless as a stone.

Taking his silence as consent, you feel the courage fill you. Your head spins with the mixture of desire for this man's affection and fear of what you were about to do. Slowly, you move closer, from his shoulder to his face, your lips maybe three inches apart.

You feel his breathing quicken, the cool breaths tickling your neck. His lips part, and his eyes close. You know what you want, and you believe you know that he wants it too.

Your lips are now two inches apart...

One inch...

Your bottom lip brushes his ever so slightly, and a shiver runs down your spine. This was so new... you'd never kissed anybody, at least not in this life... but you'd always wondered what it'd be like.

Suddenly, Levi jerks his head away, and you eyes fly open. His expression is petrified, etched with fear and raw emotion.

"Wait- I can't- I mean-"

"But- Levi..."

"No! This... this can't end well. No matter..." his voice cracks. "No matter how much I might've wanted it to... even if... well..."

I love you, you think desperately. I love you, and I don't want to wait to be with you any longer. I don't care what you think will hurt me, because my heart can take the heartache and baggage you carry, but what my heart cannot take is waiting when I know that you want to love me too!

But the words will not come. You feel the sting of rejection in your heart, and squeeze your eyes, tears leaking and spilling down your face. You nod once, and feel your heart shatter into a million pieces.

"I am so... so... sorry," Levi whispers. "I can't do this."

With that, he squeezes your hand, turns, and walks away.

And all you can think is- "Don't leave me..."