Yours Truly, Levi

It Came From the Water

"This," Captain Jason says as he leads you both down the hill towards the shore, "could be a problem." He gestures to Levi, who had his arm around you protectively. "The other men already think we had a threesome."

Levi growls something about not caring what the "scumbag gossip-queens" thought about you three under his breath, but he retracts his arm and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

You can smell what Jason is summoning you about before you could see it. The rancid, foul odor fills the air, and as you get nearer you gag and cover your face with a blanket.

"What is that-"

But Levi doesn't have to finish his question, because there, on the shore, is the answer.

It is large and gray, the flesh rotting right off the bones. It emits an odor so acrid, you see the men are milling about the camp with their noses buried in their shirts.

"A giant fish washed up while you two were a-schmoozing last night," Jason says. "It was already dead and half-rotted when it did, so now it's reeking."

"I can see that," Levi says from beneath his hand. "Well, we have to get rid of it, obviously."

"I can't get any of the men to get near enough to it to get rid of it."

Your mind whirs, half because of the fish-fumes, half because you have an idea forming. The vines you've seen on the trees earlier...

"Hey, I have an idea," you say through the blanket on your face.

Levi and Jason turn to look at you, their faces full of desperation.

"Levi, you said earlier that you brought an extra set of 3-D Maneuvering Gear, right?"

"That's right."

"Okay. Here's what we're going to do."

You step out from behind the two leaders and address the Clan. "Okay, men," you say loudly.

A few turn their heads haphazardly to look at you, but even you know they don't take you seriously.

"PEOPLE!" You're frustrated now. "Do you want the fish gone or not?"

That gets their attention.

"I have an idea!"

"Listen to the wo- um- man. Listen to the man!" commands Jason.

"Okay, guys. Corporal Levi has informed me that we are in possession of on extra 3-D Maneuvering Gear. We also have vines from the tall trees in the forest. Ham, you and Pascal are going to go collect some long, sturdy vines."

The two men glance at one another, skeptical, but the desperation to rid the island of a particularly fishy stench overcame them and they salute you.

The gesture startles you, filling you with a sense of pride, but also nervousness. They are banking on this working. It had better not fail.

Ten minutes later, you're ready to put your  plan into action. The machine looks like a cannon, constructed by looping the large net of vines around the offensive fish carcass, then attaching those to the grappling hooks on the wires of the Gear, which is strapped to a tall tree about ten feet away. Two men hold vines connected either end of the net, ten feet away from each side, stretching it like a hammock.

"Okay... ready..."

Time seems to slow down. You watch with bated breath as the Gear is activated at half-speed, slowly retracting the slingshot back. The vines stretch, pulling the net back.

"Aim..."

The Gear is locked, and the carcass swings dangerously in mid-air.

"FYAH!"

SchwING! As if in slow-motion, the wires are pulled from the vines, and the momentum sends the fish flying through the air, over your head, right into the water, about a hundred feet out. Bits of scaly flesh rain down on the men, who gather the pieces and chuck them into the surf, screaming their victory over the fish.

Almost instantly, the smell begins to dissipate, and you are suddenly surrounded by cheering crew members.

Pushing through the crowd, you search for Levi and Jason, but to no avail, until you feel a hand on your waist. You turn and are face-to-face with Levi.

The crowd of men hushes, and a single voice cries out- "KISS HIM, IDIOT!"

You feel your face flush as Levi scans the crowd with a strange smile. He leans in and your lips lock, the sweetest kiss yet.