Blessing in Disguise (MM)

Chapter Forty Eight

NICK'S POV

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"How long has it been since you've had a therapy session, Nick?"

I stare back at my new therapist, Jessica. The thought of coming here built me with deep anxiety and fear but I know it's something I need to do. The people around me deserve better and I definitely need to change before I destroy the rest of my life–or what's left of it.

"A long time," I clear my throat.

Jessica gives me a soft smile. "Well give yourself credit for being here today. It's the hardest step but you did it."

I hum softly. "I guess so."

"So, is there anything in particular you'd like to speak about?"

My lips purse and I roll my finger across my face. I shift in the seat. I remember hating this before and I certainly hate it now. But I know it's for the best. If digging up my past is going to help my future, then I have to suck it up and endure it.

Jessica has soft eyes as she waits for me to speak. My mouth opens but it closes shortly after. I straighten in the seat and nod, crossing my ankle over the tip of my knee. "Why do I hurt people that I love?"

"Define hurt," she waves a hand casually.

I sigh and run a hand down my face. "Saying things I don't mean. Lashing out verbally when things aren't going right. I act up to people who care about me, to people who I love. It's like I'm fuelled by anger and frustration and I end up self-sabotaging. I ruin everything good and I don't know why."

"Has something happened recently that has made these feelings stronger?"

"Yes," I exhale. "Someone who I will never deserve. Someone who didn't deserve the cruel words I sprouted on him. I'll never forgive myself."

Jessica nods once. "Did you mean what you sai–"

"No," I heave with furrowed eyebrows. "No. I called him a failure but he's far from a failure. He's a better human being than I'll ever be."

"Can I ask why you called him that?"

I gnaw at my lip. My stomach churns inside me but I nod. I explain everything that happened that day including Aris' heart attack and how insufferable I was being. My fears over anything happening to Elodie and people who get close to us abandoning us.

"It sounds like you've had a lot to deal with by yourself," she comments.

"Yeah. But I don't want to act the victim."

Declan's words run through my head. I don't want to hold this victim complex.

"Have you spoken about your upbringing or being a single father in depth with someone?"

I shrug. "Not in depth. It's been brushed over."

"Well, I think it's something that might need analysing. It helps the brain to digest the choices we make. None of us are perfect but talking it through might contribute to understanding your fears, your anxiety, your worries. All of it. I'm happy to start at the beginning, if you are?"

My mouth turns dry but I nod. This is good. Even if it hurts. This is good.

"Okay," I whisper.

"Great." She grabs a notepad and leans back slowly. "Take your time. There is no rush."

That's the one thing I thought I didn't have. Time. But now I realise that I have to make time for the things that are most important in my life. Including my own mental stability.