Blessing in Disguise (MM)

Chapter Forty Five

NICK'S POV

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For the last few days I've had no clue what to do. Seeing Aris at the cafe had me relieved and heartbroken all at once. To see that he's in one piece is a blessing but knowing how much I hurt him makes me despise myself.

I could see the pain and suffering in his eyes. I only added to that.

Fuck. I should have been there. I shouldn't have let him walk away.

My hands run through my hair and I tug at the roots. It snaps me back into reality because I find that I can't do a single thing without my mind wandering back to Aris. I've been thinking of ways to prove to him that I didn't mean what I said.

He's not worthless. Far from it. I'm the worthless idiot who never knew what he had until it was gone. I hate the way my brain works and functions. But I am to blame. I've caused all of this mess and Declan's words replay in my head.

I don't know if you can fix this.

When I pick Elodie up from school I steer away from the gossiping mothers. I see their eyes flick over at me, most likely wondering where Aris is. No doubt Emily is spreading her playground rumours to the other mothers.

The second we get home I start making dinner for us as Elodie draws in her colouring book. I call her to the table and she watches me as I play with my food. I'm not even hungry, I haven't been hungry for days. My appetite is gone.

"Daddy," she calls.

My eyes peek up at her weakly. "Yeah, pumpkin?"

"Where is Aris? You keep making up lies and you told me to never lie."

I sigh and straighten my spine. I should have seen this coming. Of course she asks where he is, she's curious by nature but it's not just that, her best friend has been gone for over two weeks.

"I messed up," I admit and she frowns. "I made a big mistake."

"How?"

My hands roll down my face, bracing myself for this conversation. "I said some things to him that weren't very nice, Els. I hurt him. I said things I didn't mean because I was upset. I wasn't thinking about the severity of my words, or the legitimacy of them."

She blinks. "What does legitimacy mean?"

"It means truthfulness."

Her eyes gaze down into her dinner. "Why would you be mean to him? He's so nice to us all the time."

Something hits me right in the chest and it feels like a sledgehammer. Her words make me a thousand times worse because she's right. How could I do that to him? I'm an awful human being. The worst of them all.

"I know, baby," I rasp and drop my fork into my bowl. "I messed up."

My stomach rolls inside me. Now I definitely can't eat when guilt rides me like a wave.

"I miss him," she frowns. "I thought I did something wrong."

I lean closer to her and shake my head. "No. No. You could never do anything wrong, pumpkin. I'm the one who did wrong. And I miss him too. So much. It hurts that he's not here, it feels like something is missing."

Elodie nods in agreement. "Yeah. He's missing. He's a part of our family."

Pressure builds behind my lids and I refuse to cry in front of her. "Yeah," I whisper. "He is. He's our family and I did something unforgivable. I will never forgive myself. So I don't know how he ever will."