Time and Fallen leaves

The view from your eyes

"Use me to forget Leeon"

Parker's voice is still ringing in Erin's ear. Her whole system went numb, unsure of what to do nor what to say. He must be kidding, right? Kung nagbibiro man ang binata, well it's not funny — and not the right time.

"No" Erin absentmindedly responded. She doesn't need Parker's pity. One thing she likes the most about the lad is that he never really mind others' business. Wala siyang pakialam sa nasa paligid niya; all he does is observe, he doesn't meddle. But hearing him today made her think otherwise. Why would he even offer himself in the first place? Masyado ba siyang bored?

"I knew you would say that" there isn't a hint of disappointment in his face. Erin isn't in a mood for this kind of jokes, if this is Parker's way of cheering her up or helping her, then she doesn't want it. Tumayo si Parker at kinuha ang isang canvas sa pinakasilid ng kwarto. It was a painting of a willow tree, colors consists of grey, white, black. "This is you" pagtuturo ni Parker sa puno.

"Willow symbolises sorrow and melancholy" medyo iritang saad ni Erin. She could feel her eyebrows sticking together.

"Yes, that's why you're a Willow" Erin was about to protest when Parker shush her. "But despite its negative symbolism, people still can't help but be drawn to it. Their flexible nature and ability to bend with the wind without breaking is what made the people admire it more"

Erin dare not to say a word, she was curious of what Parker was about to say next.

"You may not see it but you're really brave — especially that thing about Leeon" Parker paused, awaiting for Erin's reaction after he mentioned Leeon's name before continuing.

"But you're not just the Willow, you're this" Parker's finger encircle on the whole canvas, indicating that she's the entire painting.

"You have so many insecurities, but have you asked me what you look like from my point of view?" A small smile escape from the lad's lips, his mouth curve upward. "A scenery, an art, a masterpiece, that's what you are"

Tila nakalimutan ni Erin ang huminga. Her gaze was fixated on Parker, a tear trying to escape from her eyes. She didn't expect that the quiet and aloof Parker would say something like this — much more think of her that way. Hindi siya makapaniwala, all this time she thought Parker is just that one friend who actually never care about Erin, but here he is.

Parker felt awkward already dahil kanina pa sakanya nakatitig ang dalaga. Agad nitong ibinalik ang kunot sa kanyang noo and acted as if he didn't say anything earlier.

"Mauuna na ako" tumayo siya at agad na umalis ng film club, leaving the Erin and the painting in the dimly lit room. Nakatulala lamang si Erin. Is Parker drunk? Umiling na lamang si Erin, trying to forget what Parker just said earlier. Ngunit kahit anong gawin niya, tila isang cassette tape na paulit-ulit na tumutugtog sa isip niya ang sinabi ng binata.

She shake her head and slap herself subtly. Either she's crazy, or Parker is.

***

"He said what??"

"Shh! Hinaan mo boses mo, Keen" pagsuway ni Erin kay Keen na agad na napatayo at napalakas ang boses sa loob ng library. Erin can't get the feeling off her chest kaya nanghingi na siya ng advice mula sa best friend niya. Who else would listen to her without judging?

"Hindi ko ineexpect 'yan sa isang Parker Saavedra" iling na sagot ni Keen sabay higop sa kanyang banana milk. Erin nod in agreement. He could only say such things if he's drunk. From what Erin remembers, Parker was sober when they talk, at hindi naman sila uminom prior that. Palaisipan pa rin kung bakit iyon nasambit ni Parker.

"What are you gonna do?" Muling tanong ni Keen and Erin could only sigh. Hindi niya alam ang gagawin, she's still not over Leeon — and might never will. If Parker is indeed serious, hindi kaya ng konsensya ni Erin na gumamit ng ibang tao upang makalimot. She learned how to heal when Keeana left, perhaps she will learn to forget Leeon too.

And if Parker — of all people — is the one who suggested, that must mean that her situation is as pitiful as it is.

"Hindi ko alam" Parker's offer is tempting, she can't deny it. Sa sobrang gusto niyang makalimot kay Leeon, she would do anything just to get him out of her head.

"So there's a possibility na pumayag ka?" Erin could hear Keen mutter a curse. This day sure is weird, aside from the fact that Parker just randomly said those things plus Erin actually considering it is insane. Is the world actually changing? Pumuti na ba ang uwak? Does the moon suddenly turn blue?

"You know that's a bad idea" hindi na hinintay ni Keen ang isasagot ng dalawa. Because no matter how much he tries to see the situation from different perspectives, it really isn't a good idea. Mayroong masasaktan whether they like it or not.

"I want to forget him, Keen" The lass pleads. Never in her life would she feel so desperate, yet here she is. All because she gave her heart to the wrong person.

"Pero hindi ito ang tamang paraan. Parker is just saying that out of pity, he'll eventually stop and regret what he did" Erin hates how Keen is always right. She sometimes wonder if Keen does actually care for her, because she expected him to agree and help her cope, but this is Keen's way of showing his affection. Ayaw niyang masaktan at magsisi ang dalaga in the future.

"I'm sorry" was all Erin could say. Her head hung low dahil sa kahihiyan. She can't believe she actually considered what Parker suggested earlier. Despite the mystery of Parker's actions, kinalimutan na lamang iyon ni Erin and pretended like nothing happened.

A few subjects have passed, yet Erin's mind still lingers on Parker. How his face remain calm the moment he suggested to use him to forget Leeon. But Erin could see the tiniest detail under the dim lightings. She saw Parker's eyes sparkle, as if full of hope. She'd never seen Parker's eyes that way. What does it mean?

"Sabay ka na ba pauwi? Or do you still have to go to film club?" Tanong ni Keen as soon as the school bell rang. Erin — absentmindedly — told Keen to go home first as she were to do something important. Thankfully, ay hindi na nagtanong si Keen ng kung ano pa at nauna nang lumabas ng classroom.

Erin's feet brought her to the familiar room filled with old yellow bricks. The room where she felt most comfortable and at peace. Dahan-dahan niyang binuksan ang pintuan, hoping to see a familiar face that she weirdly longs to see.

And there he was, his broad back exposed as he develop the photos he took a while ago. Naramdaman niya ang presensya sa kanyang likod causing him to look back, meeting Erin's gaze.

Wala ni isang nagsalita. One, uncomfortably nibbles her lips as she think of what to say while the other patiently waits.

"About what you said earlier.." mahinang tanong ng dalaga, but enough for Parker to hear. "Do you mean it?"

Marahan na tumango si Parker, before standing up and walking towards Erin. The lass look up, aware of how tall the lad is.

"If you need me, i'll be here. If you want someone to lean on, i'll be here. If you want to forget Leeon, i'll always be here"

Erin's heart beat so fast she could hear her heart thumping wildly. Sa sobrang bilis ng tibok ng kanyang puso ay tila nahirapan na itong huminga at ikalma ang sarili.

Parker appeared before her. With a warm smile, he held out his hand.

Hindi namalayan ng dalaga na nakahawak na rin ang kamay nito sa binata. Only then she went back to her state of mind when she felt Parker slightly squeezed her hand, as if not wanting to let go.

Pinaghalong kaba at saya ang nararamdaman niya ngayon. Kaba, because Keen will definitely kill her if he finds out. At saya, sa hindi malaman na dahilan.

Shit happens, but at least it's with Parker. She could only hope that this turns out well.