Shadows of the Spotlight

Chapter 57

"Yeah," I nod. "During the initial discussions, the company asked me where I wanted to go during the leave, so I told them New York. Jihoon scheduled my flight an hour after yours."

Arc's gaze lingers on me for a moment, his lips pressing into a thin line before he looks away. His fingers tap lightly against the couch's edge, a subtle sign of something stirring in his mind.

"I'll only be gone for a week," I add quickly, noticing the way Arc's expression shifts.

He nods slowly, but his gaze remains distant. "Right. Just a week."

I can sense the hesitation in his voice, the unspoken words lingering between us. It's strange seeing him like this—uncertain, almost as if something's bothering him.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, tilting my head to catch his gaze.

Arc forces a smile, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah. I had forgotten that you will not accompany me to Seoul. It'll feel different without you there, even if it's just for a week."

The admission catches me off guard, warmth blooming in my chest. It's not like Arc to admit something like that so openly.

"You'll be busy with events to celebrate your anniversary with your fans. That's something to look forward to," I say, trying to lighten the mood.

"Every year, I would look forward to the Anniversary week," Arc says, his voice low, a hint of frustration seeping through. "But this is the first time I'll be attending without my group members."

His words hit me harder than I expect. I reach for his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "보시죠? 이번 투어는 당신이 멤버들 없이 처음으로 진행한 투어인데, 절반 이상을 거의 마쳤어요. 투어를 잘 해냈으니, 기념일 축하도 잘 해낼 수 있을 거예요 )See? This tour was even the first time you were without your members, and you've nearly completed more than half of it. You handled the tour just fine, so you'll be able to handle the anniversary celebrations too."

He shakes his head, his fingers tightening around mine. "The tour was different. It was because... I had you with me." His eyes meet mine, desperate and searching. "I spent most of the time since I met you thinking about you."

I open my mouth to respond, but he keeps going, his words tumbling out in a rush.

"당신은 이해하지 못해요, 릴라. 내가 공연할 때, 카메라에 미소를 지으며 모든 것이 괜찮은 척할 때, 나는 하루가 끝나면 당신이 거기에 있을 거라는 걸 알기 때문에 나 자신을 가다듬어요. 당신이 주변에 있는 것에 익숙해졌고... 서울로 돌아가는 생각, 집처럼 느껴져야 할 곳으로 돌아가는 생각, 하지만 다른 사람들이 없이는 너무나 텅 비어 있는 것... 그리고 이제 당신이 없이...(You don't understand, Lila. When I'm out there performing, when I'm smiling for the cameras and pretending everything's okay, I keep myself together because I know that when the day ends, you'll be there. I've gotten used to you being around, and... the idea of going back to Seoul, to something that's supposed to feel like home, but feels so damn empty without the others... and now without you...)"

"Arc..." His name escapes my lips, my chest tightening.

He takes a shaky breath. "I know I shouldn't be selfish. But it would feel so lonely without you."

I can see the rawness in his eyes, the plea he's not even trying to hide. He looks down, his shoulders slumping. The quiet that follows is thick and heavy, a silence made of disappointment and something deeper.

I offer him a reassuring smile. "Even if I went with you, I'd just get bored. I saw your schedule for the week—it's packed with events."

He protests immediately, his voice rising with urgency. "팬미팅을 제외한 대부분의 일정은 미정입니다. 지루하지 않게 해주세요. 경복궁 같은 아름다운 곳을 다 보여드릴게요. 아마 그곳의 건축물을 좋아하실 거예요. 그리고 남산타워의 야경... 정말 대단해요 (Most of the schedule is tentative except the fan meet. I wouldn't let you get bored. I'd take you to see all the beautiful places like Gyeongbokgung Palace. You'd probably love the architecture there. And the night views at Namsan Tower... They're incredible.)" His eyes light up as he speaks, his excitement pushing away the earlier sadness. "그리고 한강. 그냥 물가에 앉아서 자전거를 빌릴 수도 있고. 오! 그리고 인사동은 꼭 봐야 해. 가게, 길거리 음식... 정말 좋아할 거야. (And the Han River. We could just sit by the water, maybe rent bikes. Oh! And you have to see Insadong. The shops, the street food... ) You'd love it."