In this Moment

Chapter Nineteen

We had stayed in the pool the entire day, basking in the sun and messing around with each other. It was our last night in Florida and tomorrow we would be on a plane back to London. I didn't want to leave Florida, leaving Robbie would definitely be hard but if I was with Niall I knew that I would be able to get through it somehow. He made me feel stronger, he made me feel secure, and when I was with him I felt like I could do anything. Just his presence could send butterflies in to my stomach, but also make me feel so confident. Screw the butterflies I felt the whole zoo when I was around him.

It was around eleven at night, and I was laying in the bed with Niall's arms wrapped around me, wide awake. Niall was lightly snoring next to me with a firm grip on my waist, his angelic face turned towards me, and his lips slightly parted.

Unlike the Irish boy I didn't dare go to sleep, I feared that Jake would only haunt me again and make me even more worried about my relationship with Niall. I had been lying there for two hours and I didn't think I could do it for another seven. I slowly and steadily wiggled out of Niall's arms and lightly got out of the bed. After Niall stirred a little I was confident he didn't wake up, and so I exited the suite and walked down the hall to the elevators.

I walked around the huge hotel, just thinking. Thinking about how much Niall meant to me, about how much I was in love with him, how in love we were. Thinking about Jake haunting me, his threats, and if I slept it wouldn't be a pleasant one. I continued to drag my sleepless body around until I made my way to the conference hall, there were several huge rooms with a bunch of tables and chairs. One of the rooms was nearly empty with the exception of a single piano and matching bench.

I slowly approached it as if I was imagining the object there and it would soon disappear into the thin air around me. I glided my hand over the black and white keys pressing down on a few at random choice. It had been years since I last played the piano, and I knew I was a little rusty, but there was this one song that I couldn't get out of my head all day. It was one my mother would sing to me every time I was in heartbreak or I was going through a hard time, this song would make me feel better.

I quietly sat down on the bench and lightly touched the piano, remembering the last time my hand had touched a piano. I lightly tapped a few keys to begin the song and as the lyrics were coming up I lightly sang along with the piano.

Hard to find a way to get through, it's a tragedy

Pulling at me like the stars do, you're like gravity

Even if the wind blows

It makes it hard to believe

How ya gonna love

How ya gonna feel

How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real

And If you lost your way

I will keep you safe

We'll open up all the world inside

I see it come alive tonight

I will keep you safe

As I continued to play I felt a light tear streaming down my face, remembering how my mother would always comfort me when I needed it most. Remembering how my father would make me laugh and brighten up my whole day.

We all fall down

We all feel down

'Cause rainy days and summer highs

The more we pray the more we feel alive

How you gonna love, how you gonna feel?

How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real?

I missed them, but what I missed most was not being afraid of the man I once loved. Being able to go to sleep and not being afraid, being able to feel safe. Niall had given me that safe feeling, he had comforted me and heard me out when there was nobody else around. He wanted to heard what I had to say he held me through it, he was what was keeping me going. He tried his best to protect me from everything, but you can't be defending from everything in your life. 

I will keep you safe

I will keep you safe

I will keep you safe

The last key sounded ending the song that sounded through my ears for so many years. I brought my tear stained face from the piano to the once empty room. Standing before me was a sadden and confused Niall. I hadn't even noticed that he had been there, how long had he been there. I quickly wiped the few tears that were still present and greeted him with a weak smile.

He stood there feet from my piano, a few tears evident in his eyes, and a single one slowly flowing down his face. He didn't smile back, we just both stood there in silence, I tried to speak up and explain why I was there and why I had been crying, but the lump in my throat restricted me. He stared at me, but the expression in his eyes was unreadable, they were fogged over in tears that threatened to spill over. I couldn't bare to look at him, seeing me at my weakest, I felt vulnerable and I didn't like it.

"Niall what are you doing here?" I asked hesitantly, afraid that his response would break me right then and there.

"I woke up and knew something wasn't right and then saw that you weren't there. Rachel." He spoke softly as he walked towards me and the piano, and in my fragile state he some way, managed to make me feel okay. "What's wrong?"

I didn't speak, afraid that if I did it would come out dry. I finally gained the courage to look up at him, he was inches away from me now still looking at me, the same unreadable expression still covering his face.

"Please, Rachel tell me, it's killing me seeing you cry." His words just made me want to curl up in his arms and tell him all about the nightmares, the threats, the sleeplessness. But I couldn't, I couldn't put him through all the worry, knowing that he couldn't do anything about it because it was out of his reach.

"I just couldn't sleep." I replied not entirely telling the truth and putting up my best lieing tone, hoping he would buy it.

But I could tell my his face that he instantly knew that it wasn't true and he wasn't taking it. He stood up running his hands through his hair, "God damn it Rachel! I hate it when you lie to me! I know it's more than that so don't you dare try to pull that bull shit on mea." He yelled, his accent becoming very prominent.

I shrunk back a bit, becoming frightened but his tone and his sudden yelling. I looked back down at the keys on the piano and tried my best not to cry again. Niall did scare me at times with his over protectiveness, but this time I was scared of him because I was afraid that if I told him the truth, that I might just break him. He cautiously made his way over to me again with a shaky voice he spoke, "Rachel I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-I just- I want to protect you."

His words were the sweetest I've ever heard but I could bare to see the look on his face when I would say that he can't protect me from everything. Instead I avoided the situation, "I just miss my parents and some other things that I don't really want to get into." He looked back at him his clouded expression was now clear with concern but also relief. He bought it.

"Ok, but promise that you will eventually tell me. Promise?" He asked, his deep blue eyes starring into my soul.

"Promise." I said not fully intending to keep it.

"Alright lets go back up to the room so you can be well rested for the trip back home." He said picking me up and brought me into his warmth. I wrapped my arms around his neck and slowly drifted off to sleep in his grasp.

Only to be met again with a terrorizing devil, Jake, who only made more threats to my relationship with Niall and all the torture he would put him through if he could. And also, another shortened sleep.