Saving Isabella

Chapter 32: We'll figure it out

In honour of men's mental health month. Your mental health matters just as much 

POV DYLAN ROSSI:

We just got home, I think, or maybe we got here 10 minutes ago or 40, actually we could've gotten here a couple hours ago, I'm not sure. The only thing I'm sure about is that I'm in the living room, on the couch. Come to think about it, I'm not even sure about that. Maybe this room is fake, this house is fake, maybe this world is fake. Maybe I don't exist, nothing exists, maybe I'm sleeping and I actually live somewhere else, and I'm actually 60 years old. Maybe this is like The Matrix, I just need to realise it and I'll wake up in a pod, surrounded by other pods and nothing matters anymore. Maybe the only way to go forward is to die, if I was stuck in an alternate reality the only way back has to be death. I feel like Mal, in Inception, maybe she was right. If I'm wrong I don't think it would be such a bad thing honestly, I feel like I'm living my life in 3rd person, like life is in a box and I'm outside, peaking in, unable to do anything, just watching things happen, like that one seen in Interstellar.

"Dylan"

I don't want to cause pain to my family, that would be selfish, but isn't it selfish to continue living for other people? To live just to make them happy? I wish I could cease to exist and no one would be sad, even better I wish I never existed that would probably be better.

"Dylan!" I look up as I'm snapped out of my train of thought. "I've been calling you for five minutes!" Alex says, the worry evident in his voice.

"Sorry" I mumble, staring at my socks as I rub the hem of my hoodie between my thumb and index finger, the soft fabric creates a feeling of comfort. I stop staring at my socks and make eye contact with my older brother who's sitting across from me on a chair, his elbows on his knees, causing him to lean forward. He opens his mouth as if to speak but closes it again, he's probably trying to work out what to say. Before he can open his mouth again I interrupt him. "Can I go to my room?" I say already getting up from the couch, to my dismay Alex shakes his head. "What?! Why?" I exclaim in esasperation.

Alex clears his throat "I promised you I wouldn't ask you any questions today" he pauses, I stiffen, expecting a 'but' "and I will maintain that promise" I lift my eyebrows in shock "but I can't ignore this." I don't say anything, I'm too tired to, so I let him continue "Until we figure this out I don't want you to stay in a room unsupervised" I open my mouth to retort, anger boiling up in my chest. How dare he? He couldn't do that?! "I know your room is your safe space, and I don't want to take that from you, so tonight you're staying with one of us, and tomorrow me, Enzo, Ezra and... umm.. Ryan, if he behaves, will have a discussion with you and we'll set a couple ground rules. Ok?" I'm tired, my head hurts and I want to cry, I nod. "You're staying with Ezra, since Isa is already staying with me. I'll take you to your room so you can get your sleeping things and brush your teeth." Alex claps his hands on his knees and stands up, he places his hand on my back and leeds me up the stairs. As we get to my room he drops his hand, I walk to my bed and snatch a discarded T-shirt. I look around for a pair of pants, unable to find any. I decided to get a new pair from my wardrobe. I set the shirt, pants and headphones on a pile on the edge of the bed and head to the bathroom to wash my teeth. I put my hand on the door, instinctively closing it.

ATTENTION: This book will undergo editing, lot's of editing, so you may want to reread it in the future, because it will change A LOT.

"Dylan, keep the door open please." I turn around to look at my brother, who is currently sitting on my chair, watching me. I stare at him in frustration, disbelief and maybe anger, but most of all sadness, he gives me a sad smile in return. "It's just for now. Ok?" I don't say anything, I turn around to reach for my toothbrush. I never thought a task so simple, so monotonous would feel so hard, so impossible. I'm so tired and empty, I extend my trembling fingers to my toothpaste, I squeeze a smidge out. I can't do it, it's too hard, what's the point? Alex is watching me, I can feel his eyes bore into my back. I hate this, I hate Arthur, I hate this stupid life, the mafia, my fucking family. I let the toothbrush clatter into the sink, I take a deep breath, as I try to calm down.

I bang my fists against the sink. "Fuck!" I yell, I kick the trash can, sending it flying towards the shower. I grab my stuff and storm out of the room ignoring Alex. I march to Ezra's room and enter without knocking.

Ezra is sitting on his bed, his back propped up against the backboard, scrolling through his phone. He looks up at me, confusion and worry evident on his face. "You alright?"

I nod "Yeah, Alex says I'm staying with you tonight." Ezra nods "Yeah right he told me. Do you need to change?" I nod and walk to his bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. I'm not gonna die if they leave me 5 minutes alone! Ezra doesn't say anything, maybe he hasn't noticed.

I've already got my pyjama trousers on when I hear an "Oh shit!" from outside. Ezra tries to open the door, unaware I locked it, "Dylan are you ok? Open the fucking door! You're not supposed to be alone!" I roll my eyes and finish pulling the T-shirt on, before putting my hoodie back on top. "Fuck Dylan! I swear if you dont open this door I'm gonna kick it down!" I sigh and unlock the door, pushing past him. "Why did you lock the fucking door?! Alex told you already you're not allowed to stay alone!"

I walk to the right side of the bed and slip under the covers plugging my headphones into my phone (yall dont hate on the headphones with cords, they are cheaper). "I'm tired" I say, before drowning Ezra's voice in music. I turn my back to him, ignoring him until my eyelids droop and I fall asleep. 

A/N 

Guess who's back!!!! I apologise for my long leave of abscence (or wtv the experetion is) I had a lot going on in my life, from exams to Social Services to nearly drinking myself to death. With that being said I am happy to announce I have official survived 15 years on this Earth!! Wooooo. I'm really hating this book right now cause its honestly written pretty badly, but I'll push through and finish it none the less. 

If anyone wants to conatct me my email is gaia.manicardi15@gmail.com. I will respond, always there for you. *heart emoji i cant find...*

OHHHHH BTWWWW Favourite Ginny&Georgia character?? Love Abby, idc what yall say

Here is my Summer reading list:

Good Girl, Bad Blood by Holly Jackson

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

1984 by George Orwell

The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco (in italian)

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Oliver Twist by Charles Dickenson

Twisted Love by Ana Huang (we shall not talk about this)

Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder (in italian)

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black

In addition during the fall I want to read:

Beowolf 

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche