everyone around me falls in love, I hear stories of heartbreak and wipe salty tears off soft cheeks
each person more expressive with the care, or hurt infesting their hearts with a dull, throbbing ache
witnessing love stories begin and end and wishing I could be like them...
I have felt love before, I have drowned in it as much as I have been paralyzed by the sorrow of losing it,
love is not the problem; I just don't know how to
Everyone else loves so differently, so boldly. So loud, and soft
so delicately. so
naturally. like blinking or breathing
the act of loving has never been easy for me,
the feeling always finds me, plagues me until I allow myself to feel it latch onto me
I embrace it, it is beautiful
it's always the same, love festers in my chest like an untreated wound before the infection inevitably spreads to my brain and lungs and every breath I breathe is a whisper in the wind screaming how much I love you.
you see, love is beautiful, until your words fail you
and there is no way to take that feeling from the depth of your bones so the world can see the words that always seem to die before falling through your lips
My love is a silent scream, the voices in my head yelling at me to say it,
maybe even show it, the same way I feel it
but love was never easy, so instead, I freeze, and my heart becomes septic from holding on to words I should have said or things I could have done.
but I didn't, because somehow I couldn't. so they leave, and I let them
because everyone deserves to be loved loudly, and with a voice that travels as far as mine,
the curse of a love that cannot live past the precipice of my tongue, my satirical curse
but never theirs, because my love may not be loud enough,
my love may not be enough, or maybe I am not enough to be loved,
but I love enough to know no one deserves to be loved in cryptic lines and unsure acts
and so I set them free, and I hurt in the same silence I loved in.
I don't deserve to mourn a love I did not know how to cherish.
I always allow love back in, fingers crossed and prayers raised
talking to my reflection in the mirror, begging the eyes that stare back at mine to finally do it right this time
because then maybe, I'm not so broken after all
