Helluva Boss

Mission: Orphan Time (short)

Another day, another mission.

Blitzo's "#1 Boss Bitch" mug of coffee left marks on his desk. In his drawer were figures of Millie and Moxxie made of office supplies.

On the desk was a manilla folder with the profile of the new human target.

"I.M.P. Target: Frank McTickly Wrigglers AKA "Mr. Wrigglers."

The picture showed a jolly Mr. Rodgers-type man beaming with his eyes closed and a white and gray worn sock puppet over his hand. He had white skin, ginger hair, a ginger mustache, and blue eyes. He wore long brown pants and wore a green sweater. He posed in front of red stage curtains.

"Location: Hugging Dove Charity."

"Description: Freakishly kind and disturbingly charitable."

"Info: Runs a public broadcast children's television show. Showed me up in high school."

Also on the desk was a poster: "ORPHAN CHARITY – FREE COOKIE FOR ALL UNWANTED DROPOFFS!" Two chocolate chip cookies were at the bottom of the poster. Three happy children posed under a large rainbow surrounded by clouds. One was a blonde girl wearing a pink shirt with a unicorn on it and a white skirt. One was a boy with brown hair holding a toy and wearing a white shirt. To the right was another boy with brown skin and wearing a red sports jersey. The blonde girl declared on the poster: "My daddy invested in bitcoin!" The kid with brown skin added, "I WANNA BE A FIREMAN!" The third boy said, "I BROKE UNCLE'S ROBOT COLLECTION!"

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A black bird caught a red butterfly in its beak as it soared across the sky. It landed on a nest and fed the butterfly to its purple baby chick. Two women stood in front of a building, holding pieces of paper.

Suddenly, a pink diamond portal opened and out ran Blitzo and Loona. They sneaked and scurried across the parking lot. Both of them held pistols in their hands. Blitzo was holding his trusty weapon decorated with a painted sharp teeth design and the red I.M.P. logo on the side. Loona's weapon was decorated with white stars on a violet sky. They made their way up to the building. Blitzo pressed his back against the bottom of a nearby pillar. Blitzo ducked behind a bush before rolling out in front of Loona. Loona held out her pistol as she leaned against the brick wall of the building.

"Alright, Loony, today we're dealing with a children's 'entertainer,'" Blitzo said in quotes. "Goes by...'Mr. Wrigglers.'"

He made a show of mimicking a dick going through a hole with his tail.

"Thought this would be a good one for you and I think you know why."

Loona glared in agreement. "Uh yeah, I hate that sunshine and rainbows shit. These guys always turn out to be sickos. Where are we? His third world sex resort? His slave-cult compound?"

Blitzo looked nervously at the sign behind him. It was round and blue and decorated with white angel wings and a halo on top. It read "HUGGING DOVE CHARITY for Dying Orphans and Injured Puppies." Bouquets of flowers lay below the sign on a group of green bushes.

'Oh shit,' Blitzo thought. 'My daughter does not need any reminders of being an orphan nor being stuck at the pound. It'd be a deadly double whammy. Still...it wouldn't be the first time I burned down an orphanage...they all were sickos that one time!'

"I just thought he would be really easy to kill, ya know? And then we could have the whole rest of the day for daddy-daughter time!"

He stared up at Loona with wide puppy-dog eyes. Loona scoffed and rolled her eyes.