Helluva Boss

Mission: Bad Drivezo (Short)

On Blitzo's desk was a picture of a dark teal family car driving on a road with a city in the background. Blitzo had written on it in large letters: "WOW NOT A HYBRID?" "LOSER!" on the windshield of the car, "WIFE TOOK THE KIDS!" and "WHAT A BITCH CAR!"

A manilla folder showed the next human target profile, a picture of a solemn man with white skin, brown hair and stubble on his chin.

Target: Joe Smoe

Location: Backwards Ass, New Mexico

Description: I mean...just look at him, y'know?

Info: Loitered racistly.

Blitzo peered through the scope at the top of his rifle as he drove the I.M.P. van through the human world. His rifle was dark blue with red blood stains as the décor for the side. Blitzo held pieces of paper in his other hand, searching for the target. He sat in his red seat, "I.M.P." spray-painted in red on the side of the van. The back window had white decals of Blitzo, Loona, Moxxie and Millie in Blitzo's drawing style. An upside down red pentagram was painted on the back tire attached to the back of the van.

"Sir! Focus on the road!" Moxxie bellowed to his boss from the passenger seat.

Blitzo's eyes widened as he accidentally dropped the papers and his gun out the window.

"I'm..." Blitzo glared at him before pulling out a second identical rifle... "...just making sure that it's the right guy, okay?!"

He peered through and spotted a man driving that looked identical to the profile.

"Calm down, Mox, I am a fantastic driver!" Blitzo claimed.

"Ugghh, I'm driving, oh, I'm driving..." Blitzo wobbled as he steered the wheel with his feet and pressed on the gas with his pointed tail. "Hold on, I wonder if I could just..."

Blitzo fired his gun and accidentally blew the head off of a policeman riding a motorcycle. The motorcycle flew backward and blew up.

"AUGH! Nope, almost had him."

Moxxie unbuckled his seatbelt. "Oh, crumbs in a blanket. He reached toward Blitzo's weapon. "Just hold the wheel, I'll shoot!"

He aimed and saw the solemn man through the scope. "Nice and steady..." The pointer was at his forehead...

Moxxie grinned. "Perfect."

Suddenly, an orange car barreled down the road.

"AGGH LOOK OUT!" Blitzo cried.

The sudden momentum redirected the bullet into the dark teal car's tire, making it skid. The gun slid out of Moxxie's hands and down to the floor.

"Oh, FUCK the shit BACK into my stomach!" Blitzo groaned.

The teal car veered off the road, breaking through a metal railing. Blitzo and Moxxie stopped the van and watched as the dark teal car fell toward a ditch and promptly blew up.

"Well..." Moxxie lifted his head up after a moment and smiled. "I guess that all worked out, then."

He turned back to Blitzo. "Job well done, we can go home now."

Moxxie spotted Blitzo, arms shaking, mouth foaming.

"That fucker cut me off," he growled.

Moxxie held out a hand, attempting to calm down his boss. "Now sir, with all due respect, this mission..."

"THAT FUCKER CUT ME OFF!" Blitzo screamed in rage.

Blitzo put the van into sudden reverse, turned back around and speed off toward the reckless driver in the orange car.