Ending

Bonus: Broken

"You can't be serious right now" The look on Minho's face alone could make Thomas want to cry. He didn't look concerned, he looked disappointed. "A suicide pact?"

"Why do you even care? 13 days. 13 days you ignored me. Then you show up two days later like everything is fine"

"You said you were okay with that, guess not." Minho sighed and placed a hand on his forehead.

"You could be there for me in the worst day of my life, and you decided that you would leave me alone"

"Yeah, use that as an excuse. Remember all the little fights you guys had? You always said you needed time alone. You know if I tried talking to you it would be worse you selfish prick. Blame me for remembering and taking it in consideration" Minho's accusations hurt him, but he couldn't show that.

"Take THIS in consideration: my lover, which one of your best friends by the way, died. You weren't there. I felt like shit. Is it in your head yet?"

Minho looked so deep into his eyes he could practically feel his skull burning "Are you seriously trying to use this on me to excuse yourself? You just told me both of my best friends planned on killing themselves. And then you talk shit about YOUR worst day ever. Fuck you Thomas, fuck you so much"

"Don't you want your 'best friends' to be happy, uh?"

Minho snorted.

"You fucking... I can't even talk to you right now Thomas, I'm leaving" The boy turned around and reached for the door.

"Oh look, there goes another one of the most important people in my life"

Turning his body to him, with his hand still on the handle, Minho started talking calmly "You DON'T have the right to say that to me Thomas. You don't. You claim that you love your family? That you love me? Fuck that. Did you even think of us?"

"You don't wanna go there Min" the whole conversation was starting to annoy Thomas.

"Oh, but I do, Tommy. What clothes were you gonna wear, did you plan that too? We did. The rest of us did. We were all going to be wearing black, at your fucking funeral."

"Oh, the funeral. Do you even know what I was thinking when I was at his? I was thinking, man, this must be karma. I plan on leaving my family to finally be happy with someone and I lose my chance. He goes without me. The constant thought going through my head was "I wish I was with him right now". And THEN, the one's left to support me, don't understand"

"You claim I wasn't there for you? Fine. But who would be there for me in MY worst day? When both of my best friends are gone? Uh? Just tell me this Thomas. Were you planning on saying goodbye?" this words hurt more than knifes. Thomas didn't have an answer to this.

"Look, I'm sorry okay?" tears started to form in his eyes.

"Are you going to go back to your sessions? Tell me you'll talk to Dr. Janson or whatever that rat looking dude's name is. Please tell me you'll try." The pure anger on his face turned into concern. He was practically begging.

"Fine, I'll come back to that later."

"Take care of yourself, Thomas"

And then he opened the door and left.

*

After Minho left, Thomas started to see the flaws on their plan. He avoided thinking about how his family would feel, he hope they'd understand. Hearing Minho's accusations about how he would make everybody around him just made him want to scream. So, obviously, he did. He didn't care that his family was still home, and he didn't care that Minho would probably still hear it. His family had began to accept his random screams of pain and just usually left him alone.

It was still morning, beautiful birds flying outside, daylight from the blinders he didn't touch for days penetrating his room. But the only beauty he accepted in his life was his lover's. Everything about him was more than he thought he could handle. His eyes shining when the sun hit them, his hair flowing with the wind, his bruised lips in the cold and even his sweaty forehead when it was too hot. Everything about him was beautiful, in every season, in every moment, every single fucking second. Him.

Thomas decided he would still go to his therapy sessions. It never really helped him, but he knew he needed to make it up to every single person in his life. He needed to be okay for a bit.

"Fine" he whispered "I hate this stupid shit, but fine." He lied down in bed and reached for his so called diary.

"Write about how you feel" the man had said. Thomas wondered if now that he knew it was his boyfriend and not his brother, the diary would still be the method of therapy. He decided he didn't really care. In this moment he just wanted to talk about how he felt to anyone who would listen, like he only had done with Newt.

The pencil drifted through the page. The sound it made relaxed Thomas so he just kept going.

"Day 15

My friend Minho came to my house today. I told him about something he certainly did not want to hear.

I suppose I wouldn't understand it if I was him, but I was really hoping he wasn't so sassy. I'm serious, the dude just shove the whole shit in my face, I literally was expecting him to talk about the birthmark in my ass too just to make a point and make me feel even more guilty.

I'm kidding, Janson, I don't really have a birthmark in my ass, you perv. It's in my LOWER BACK. Whatever, I just wanted to say, I'll fix it. I'll make it right. This isn't really much in the topic of "how I feel", I know. Right now, I feel pretty funny, yeah, I'm a really funny guy. Newt always laughed at my stupid jokes.

God, do I love Newt. This is starting to look like a teenage girl's diary but I'm gonna have to be honest with you, he's very cute. Like REALLY cute. He has the most amazing smile, killer hair, his arms make me want to become a Newt burrito.

Is that weird? I always call it that when he's the big spoon. GOD DAMNIT I LOVE BEING THE SMALL SPOON.

It's getting really awkward considering you're an adult man reading this but consider adolescent love as a beautiful thing, please. Also I hope you're reading this aloud right now I'd love to see your expression. You probably won't though, it's okay I forgive your lack of humour. On the "how I feel thing", it's pretty simple actually. Incomplete, lost, and the most obvious, broken.

I still miss him so fucking much"

////Notes: This chapter is a bonus, I didn't really plan on writing it, that's why it's short. Deal with it.///