You saved me- A phan love story

The Lonely- Chapter two

Dan's POV 

I don't think anyone other than Phil understands it. It hurts. Breathing, living, smiling. It's all so painful and sometimes I just want it to end. The only thing which keeps me grounded is Phil. He's like the light in the darkness which follows me. But then, even Phil doesn't understand some things. He doesn't know about what the nightmares are about. 

I'm alone. It's my greatest fear. I'm alone and in the dark to begin with when then I walk down stairs to Phil when I see him dead on the floor. I scream and cry because Phil is my life. Without him I would lose it and that's what happens in my dreams. They feel so real sometimes like he is actually there on the floor more pale than he usually is and the light from his eyes completly snuffed out. My greatest fear is losing Phil because I know if I lost Phil I would be utterly alone in this cold world. 

In the darkness I could feel Phil's arms around me like he was blocking away all the darkness around us and keeping me in his bubble of light which he carries around. He'll never understand how much he means to me. But we're friends... we're just best friends... There's such a fine line between friend and lover but I was stuck in between. Phil was my saviour and I was dependent on him to be my will to live. 

In the night around me and in the comfort of Phil I finally fell asleep only to be met by the same nightmare. I could feel myself kicking and screaming but then I felt Phil tighten his grip on me so that I was against his warm body and I was resassured that he was in fact here and with me. 

I woke up with the morning light sweeping through the room and Phil still holding onto me. He was awake and had his eyes slightly open. I could feel that today was going to be bad day. I was happy to have Phil next to me but this morning and in this moment I felt like bursting into tears. I sometimes wake up like this. I feel like there's nothing on this earth that's worth it and everything seems darker. On day's like this I don't feel like anything. I feel weak and I just don't want to move until I die and I'm finally set free from this world. 

Phil went out to get a starbucks with PJ and Chris. He asked is I wanted to come but I said no. He left with an unsure look on his face "I'll have my phone on if you need me." Of course I need him. I need him every second of every moment of forever but I let him go. I heard the door close and heard   his footsteps. 

He had made me breakfast which was on the counter and still warm but I wasn't hungry. I lay down on the sofa looking up at the ceiling and pulled up my long sleeve. I looked at my arms and saw scars all along them. Each one of them was a reminder of how worthless I was. I pulled down my sleeve and stayed in this same postion for the next fifteen minuites.

I thought about Phil laughing around with PJ and Chris. They were probably all making fun of me. I began to feel really hurt even though I didn't even know if it was certain or not. My chest became tight and I started crying. Phil didn't love me like I loved him an I was just a burden to him. PJ and Chris don't give a damn about me either! If they did then they wouldn't be trying to steal Phil away from me.  

It then hit me... I was alone... I was all alone right now... Phil wasn't here and he was the only person who was ever here. I wanted him to be here right now because I could feel myself walking up to the kitchen and opening the top draw where we keep the sharp knives. I looked at them and then rolled up my sleeves to see my arms. 

I picked up my phone and pressed '1' which was my speed dial for Phil...