Still Trying [phan/boyxboy]

V [Come Back]

MIGOSH YOU GUYS THANKS FOR 100+ READS. I HOPE Y'ALL DON'T STOP READING THIS STORY.

I know some of you (or maybe not, dunno, just in case) saw on my 4th chapter, I said something about posting on Thursdays. Well, I am sorry for changing my schedule so quick, but I moved it to Mondays.

"Why Mondays?" Well, if there is a way to make a Monday better, why not? :] Because fuck, I hate Mondays. School is a murderer. Friends are murders.

Trying to fit exactly 100 words in this author's note. Pretty hard work, honestly.

Next line, then! Thanks!

There are limits , despite how strong the person is.

[Third Person's POV]

Dan was too tired of this.

He's too tired of the same, monotonic actions in every single day of his new life. He is tired of working with the fear of some kind of déja vu since he splashed Phil's hoodie.

Wake up, bath, work, bath, eat, sleep. Again and again, all over. All of that done by him without even thinking, somewhat robotic.

Everytime he holds a tray, he can't help but imagine Phil's accident. He wishes to bury the thought deep down, where it could be forgotten.

Sometimes, he didn't know if he was still sane, alive, or losing his mind. There were days when he tried to bang his head on a wall, hoping that suddenly memories came rushing back, hoping for everything to clear up, just like in the movies. But nothing happened, except extreme dizziness and pain. If that was something, then hooray.

There were times when he felt like he needed to see Phil. He just felt like he was part of his memory; if he wasn't, why would he help him like yesterday?

His mind would wander of to the day when they met, the day when Phil pretty much saved him from a panic attack. He didn't remember anything much; not even why he had an attack.

All he remembers were the words coming from Phil's mouth, the protection he gave, and when his arms circle around him, tightening, holding him close.

A smile carved on his lips. Do these kind of people still exist in our world?
Probably they don't, which is why he is special, a voice in his brain said.

He physically slapped himself fpr thinking like that. Phil probably thinks he's a creep now; searching for protection on him. No wonder if he goes away.

On the other hand, Phil felt guilty on not being able to visit Dan. He felt the need to protect him, he doesn't know why. He just does. He seems so tortured, so wounded, so.. different.

But no. He is working on a huge project, and it is taking all his time. He is tired, but there are no such things as an 'understanding boss'.

He knew that at some point, he needed to visit him.

[Phil's POV]

I am so tired of work. I need to go to the café. It's been a while.

I followed the road to the café, knowing every single turn by heart. A freeing feeling washed over me when that authentic smell of the place came at me.

I sat down on my favourite seat, waiting for someone to take my order. I looked around, looking for that tall person, but he isn't here.

I started to get worried; where is he? Did he go to the hospital? Did he have another attack? Did he-

"Phil? Helloo? Earth to Phil?" a hand waves in front of my face, and I can tell that this was Louise.

"Hey there, Louise! I'd like my usual please, but on the go? Thanks!" She wrote it down, but before she went too far, I pulled her hand again.

"Hey, Louise? Where's Dan?"

"Oh, Dan? He's not on shift, it just finished. Go ahead upstairs if you like. Why not wait? You can bring your order with you then."

Yeah, I have been visiting here so often to the point that I know the owner's family. How social of me.

Louise finally gave me my drink. I thanked her, then went upstairs to visit Dan.

The stairs creak as I put my weigh on the step. But it still cover the painful sound coming from that voice.

I didn't bother checking if my coffee splashed everywhere; I immediately ran up to him.

I opemed the door to find him banging his head on the wall.

The sounds he was making weren't human, it doesn't seem to come out of him. It doesn't match to the crystal clear voice I heard yesterday.

"Dan!" I pulled him away from the wall. He tried to pull away from me, but I pulled him back into my arms.

"Why would you do this to yourself, Dan?" He just nuzzles himself deeper into my hug. I ran my hand through his hair, only to find my hand now dirtied by blood.

"Dan, your head is bleeding. Here, let me clean it. Got some antiseptic?" He points to the bathroom. I quickly scurried there, taking what I need.

I washed my hands first, not wanting Dan's blood to dry on my fingers, making it harder to wash off. As it drains away, I kept on wondering.

Why would he do this? Why would he hurt himself?

I came back to him, finding Dan curved up in a ball. I touched his back, and he flinched.

"Dan, sit up. I need to clean that."

He obeyed amd awkwardly sits next to me. I looked for the wound while wetting the cotton with antiseptic.

"Dan, this is gonna hurt. Brace yourself," I told him. He didn't answer; just a quick nod.

I gently press the cotton on the wound, dabbing it as light as possible. He started cringing at my touch. All I can do was shush him, tell him to calm down.

"It's finished," I whisper, as I stood up to throw the cotton away. I went back next to Dan.

"Dan. Why would you do that?"

"Maybe, maybe.. Maybe they'll all come b-back.."

I didn't understand what he was saying, but I can't force him. He was broken already.

I just sat next to him. Waiting for something to happen. But instead,

"Phil, I need to go outside for a minute. I need to.. clear things."

He then stood up without a word, leaving me alone in this room.

I should've followed him outside.

[Dan's POV]

"Phil, I need to go outside for a minute. I need to.. clear things."

I immediately stepped out of the room, going outside again. Out pf the café. On my own.

Déja vu much?

I walked back into the alleyway where I woke up, where all of this started. Kicking everything out of it's place.

"This is stupid? Why the hell do I need to live anymore?"

I sat down, crying, burying my face in my knee. Will this every come in a conclusion?

Suddenly, my surroundings were darker. A voice ringed in the air, it was so deep and raspy, spooky enough to haunt your dreams.

"Hello there, Daniel."

All I could think was,

I shouldn't have left Phil. []

-gee