Isn't She Lovely (h.s)

Chapter 38

Samantha

I was panicking, I had never been this scared before. All hope for Catherine to have a normal life was gone. Not like there was much chance from the beginning, all of those times Harry had talked me into staying, all of the times he'd convince me that Catherine could grow up normal... They were all just delusions. How naive mustI be to have believe him? I should have known my baby could never grow up normally as long as Harry was in her life. I was furious, and broken, and scared. I just didn't know what to do! I didn't want Catherine growing up in the spotlight. I'd been around Anne, Gemma, and Eleanor long enough to know how being in the spotlight can change you, and I didn't want that for my baby girl. I didn't want her growing up in a world full of rumors, hate, and cruel words. I didn't want her to grow up constantly worrying if her daddy was going to leave her mum because he was spotted out with another girl. I didn't want her self-esteem to disappear because so called "experts" were judging her weight or appearance. I didn't want that for my little girl, not when she deserved so much better.

I think that's the real reason I walked away from Harry four years ago at the airport. I knew he had potential, everyone that he met saw it. We all knew he was going to go on to become successful. I didn't want my baby girl growing up in that kind of world, so I guess I just thought that if I didn't tell him, then maybe I could raise her as a normal kid. Sure, it wasn't the normal two parent home, and sure, I wasn't married when I had her at sixteen, but she still would have been able to go to school, to the park, and hang out with friends without constantly being hounded by the tabloids.

I knew then that it was the right decision, and I should have fought harder with Anne to give my baby the life she deserved. Anne was only thinking of what was best for Harry and Catherine in that moment, not what was best for them in the long term. Sure, I'll admit, at times I wish Harry wasn't a big pop-star so that Catherine could have a normal life growing up with two parents, but, I had pretty much raised Catherine the first three years on my own any way. And if I do say, I did a pretty damn good job at it too. She was polite, always remembered her manners, and she was well behaved. All in all, she was the perfect daughter that any mum would be proud of.

I paced the length of the living room, biting at my already red and raw thumbnail. So many thoughts were running through my head. My emotions were so conflicted, I'm sure if I told anyone else it just wouldn't make any sense what I was thinking or feeling. All I knew is that I couldn't let this happen, I couldn't let Harry bring us into the spotlight and ruin Catherine's only chance of a relatively normal childhood.

"Mumma?" I heard Catherine whimper from her bedroom doorway. I peeked my head around the corner of the living room to see her standing there, clutching Harry's old Teddy to her chest. She must have just woken up.

"What's wrong, Baby?" I cood as I swooped out of the living room and scooped her up into my arms. Her curls were disheveled and her eyes slowly closed once more. "Are you still tired?" I stroked her thick curls and she just nodded her head softly against my shoulder as she brought her thumb up to her mouth. I had been trying to break that habit for over a year now, but she was just so stubborn. Just like Harry.

"Yes Mummy." She mumbled as she buried her face further into my neck. I rocked her back and forth as I carried her into the bedroom that Harry and I share. I laid her down in the bed and she clung to my neck, pulling me down with her. I chuckled as she curled into my body and within minutes she was fast asleep once again.

I cuddled my little girl tighter into my body and closed my eyes. This is how it should be. I can't believe I let Harry talk me into thinking everything would be alright when clearly nothing would ever be okay again.

I sat there holding Catherine for almost an hour, mind racing with thoughts. I was so lost, I was so alone. I had long since stopped worrying about where Harry was.