Isn't She Lovely (h.s)

Chapter 9

Harry

It was as simple as that. I couldn't do it, and I wouldn't. I know that sounds bad, I know it's terrible to say that about my own kid, but I can't take care of her. I wouldn't even know where to begin! Everything I once thought... it's all backwards. My heart told me to go back, to apologize and live happily ever after with the girl of my dreams and our daughter, but my head told me otherwise. I had been lied to. For three years I had been lied to by the people that I loved most in this world: Mum, Gem, Sam...

Sam.

My feelings for Sam were clouded by my anger and frustration. I had missed three whole years of my daughter's life and now she expected me to just, what? Play house? No. I had already missed three damn years. I would never be able to forgive myself for that... or Samantha. She was wrong by not telling me. Sure, she was probably right, I probably wouldn't have gone to that audition if I had known. I would've stayed here with her. But that would've been the best thing to do... right?

So instead of being here in Cheshire watching my little girl grow up with my best friend by my side, I was off partying. And hooking up. And not keeping in touch. I would never be able to get over that. Catherine didn't deserve that. She deserves someone better, someone like Louis.

I saw the way he was with her, I saw the way she looked at him. There was no doubt about it that Louis would be the better father. Yeah, the thought of Louis raising my daughter kind of killed me on the inside, but I didn't just mean him. I meant someone like him. Samantha would be much better off with someone like that. I wasn't as good with children as he is! He was the oldest. He grew up with 4 younger sisters. I was the baby of my family. I was the one that people were taking care of, I didn't have any experience with that sort of thing. There was no way I could care for her. I wanted her to grow up with a real father. Someone who would always be around and be there to love her, care for her when she was sick, and be there for her when she was scared or sad. I couldn't promise her a life like that. I unconsciously scratched at my wrists as my mind wandered, and by the time I had noticed what I had been doing, my most fresh scars had busted open, oozing bright crimson blood on to my crisp white shirt.

As much as it killed me to say, I just couldn't. I wanted to be, believe me, I wish I could be that kind of father for my little girl, but I couldn't. I wasn't good for her. I was "Harry Styles." I was just an eighteen year old kid myself, and I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. All of these questions began swirling through my head. How was I supposed to care for a child when I couldn't even care for myself? The blood wiped across my black trousers from where my scars had split open was exhibit A. What kind of example would I be to my own daughter? A depressed teen who can't take criticism to save his life so now he attacks his own body just to find release. Yeah, I'm sure I'd be just a great role model for a child. How could I be there for Catherine when I would be away all the time? I would never be home, and it's not like I could take Catherine and Samantha with me on tour. What would the fans say? The media? Oh that would just be fucking fantastic. I can already picture the headlines. "Harry Styles... Popstar, Or Daddy?" No. I had gotten used to this life, I was used to everyone in digging in to my personal life, but putting Sam and our daughter in the spotlight? That would just be way too difficult on them, having their lives under a microscope. I can only begin to imagine the hate that would be sent to Sam. No, I can't let that happen. My head began to throb as question after damn question echoed throughout my mind. Why was I making excuses? At the end of the day I was nothing more than a kid. A scared kid who can't take responsibility for his own actions. How fucked up is that? Imagine what the fans would say if they could see me now...

I had to have been walking for hours because when I finally looked up the sun was just starting to set. I was in the heart of the city and the street lights were just turning on. I groaned as I realized what a stupid move that was. Yeah, great going Harry! Way to walk into the city alone in rush hour you dolt. I tugged my sunglasses off my shirt and ducked my head before anyone could notice me. That would have made this situation one hundred times worse. There was no way I could go back home. Not as long as Samantha was there, not with my head this fogged up. Suddenly an idea popped into my head and I whipped out my cell phone and dialed that familiar number praying upon everything that he could help me with this mess.

" 'lo?" I heard his thick Irish accent through the phone and he coughed to clear his throat as he mumbled out a clear "hello?" and I realized I must have woken him up from a nap. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I couldn't trust my own voice not to give away the mix of emotions I felt.

"Harry? Hello?" He said again and I took a deep breath.

"Hey Niall? Um, I don't know how to say this.." I could already feel the lump in my throat forming. I was seconds away from breaking down. "Can I," I took a deep breath to stable myself and blew it out as fast as possible as I mumbled "Is it possible for me to stay with you to-tonight?" My voice cracked on the last word and I felt all of my resolve slip away as the first burning tear rolled down my cheek.

"Uh, sure. Is something wrong Harry?" I could feel the anxiety and curiosity in his voice as he questioned me. I nodded my head furiously and bit my lip from letting out a sob. I took a few more deep breaths to collect myself. I didn't want Niall to hear me like this, not now anyway.

"Mate, are you okay?" I sat down on the curb and wiped my face with the back of my hand.

"I-I'm okay I guess...I'll explain everything when I get there." I hung up the phone so that I wouldn't have to answer any more prying questions before I was ready. I ran my trembling hands through my messy hair and took another shaky breath. Maybe I'd feel better once I talked to Niall about all of this. Standing, I hailed a taxi and ducked my head as I entered it, starting on my way to Niall's flat in West London.

Louis

It broke my heart to hear such a sweet little girl say such a horrible thing. How could she possibly think Harry didn't love her?

"Catherine, do you want to know something?" She looked up at me with those big watery eyes that still shocked me every time I looked into them. She was the spitting image of her father. She nodded her head and I moved her so that she was sitting in my lap.

"I'm a very good friend of your daddy's, and I can tell you that he loves you so much Catherine. That's why he left you know." I saw her eyes light up.

"You know daddy?" It warmed my heart to see that little girl's face light up in wonder and excitement.

"Mhm, you could say he's like my little brother." I looked over to Samantha and I could see so much in those beautiful emerald eyes of hers. She had to grow up so much in these last three years it amazed me that she handled it all so well. She didn't ask for anything from Harry, she seemed quite independent in that way. I bet she was the stubborn type. Whatever she was really like, I could tell one thing from the few hours I'd known her. She really wanted the best for her daughter. It was obvious that she didn't want to share her with anyone, but if it meant making Catherine happy she'd do anything for her. I felt so much love for the two girls in front of me and I hardly even knew them. But it wasn't the romantic type of falling in love, that already entered my life. No, this was new. This was the type of love I felt for my sisters. I had to protect them, I needed to keep them safe. Right there and then I made a vow, that I'd be there for them. No matter what I'd be there for Samantha and Catherine, even if Harry wasn't. I had to, that was a promise. I think Samantha and I had a mutual agreement with that, I think she knew that I'd be a part of her daughter's life.

Just then Caty let out a loud gasp "You weally my Uncle Lou!" I laughed and kissed the tip of her nose. She really was the most adorable girl I had ever met. Harry was truly a lucky guy. Not the part about knocking up his girlfriend at sixteen and then leaving for three years. That was bad, i'll admit. I still can't believe Harry, my little Haz, managed to get a girl pregnant. But no, he was lucky in the way that he had the perfect family right in front of his eyes and he didn't even see it. What angered me off more than anything is that he was acting so damn young about all of this. He made an adult's mistake. Now he needs to act like one. Sure, he is young, and no, he's not mature enough to handle this. But I think he'll rise to the occasion, because that's the type of guy Haz is at heart.

"I guess I am my little Lovebug!" she crinkled up her nose and hugged me again. I can't believe Harry was missing out on this. He'd already missed three years of her life, did he really want to miss anymore?