Isn't She Lovely (h.s)

Chapter 4

Samantha

I couldn't breathe. I knew I needed to stop hyperventilating and get myself under control, but I couldn't. Harry; my best friend, the father of my child was coming home.

"Wh-When is he, um, gonna get here?" I tried to hold myself together and tried to look as casual as possible as I began picking at my thumbnail. Anne looked at me with sympathy and I could tell she was trying not to look too excited in front of me, it was her only son after all, and she hadn't seen him in three years! Of course she was going to be excited.

"He'll be here in a couple of hours. He wanted to surprise us, so he's already arrived in London. He should be here by noon. Sweetheart... I'm afraid that it's time to tell him." She looked at me with that 'Mother-knows-best' face as she brushed the hair back from my eyes. I turned to look at my little girl playing with her dolls on the carpet. I know that I should have told him a long time ago, the idea of telling him only got harder and harder as time went by, and now, three years later, telling him the truth, especially after how I ended things between us, seemed impossible.

"Anne... I-I don't think I can do this! He's going to be so mad at me, I hate when he gets mad, and you know it will ruin his career! An eighteen year old popstar with a three year old daughter? The media will eat him alive! I-I can't let that happen to him. I can't let Catherine get dragged into that kind of life. You know that's why I haven't told him, I want her to just have a normal childhood. I can't put this burden on Harry, not now. Not after all of this time... I mean he's only eighteen for God Sakes, he can't handle this sort of responsibility and-" Anne cut off my rambling as she raised her voice to be heard over me.

"And you were sixteen when you took on the responsibility. It's his responsibility too Samantha, not just yours. He needs to know. He deserves to know that he has a child and he should have the choice of whether or not he wants to be a part of her life. This is bigger than just you, Dear." I had never seen Anne this serious before. No, no I couldn't let him ruin his career, everything he had worked so hard for.

"No. I'm sorry, I know he deserves to know, he does! But I can't let him get involved. He's touring! And living his dream! I will not let a silly mistake three years ago ruin everything for him! He doesn't deserve that! He's only a kid!" I snapped my mouth shut and my eyes widened in realization before I looked to Anne in regret. She simply smoothed my hair once again and pursed her lips. A silly mistake. I had just called my daughter a mistake.

"Children aren't mistakes, dear. They only have bad timing sometimes, but they are never mistakes. You will tell him, or I will." She walked away and sat down next to Catherine, leaving me standing in the kitchen completely dumbfounded. I didn't know what to do, my head was reeling. I tell Harry, he'll be mad at me. I don't tell Harry, he'll find out eventually and be even more mad at me. There was no win-win situation. But not telling him was the best option... right? I have seen the things people say about him, the names they call him. Opposed to everything the media said, I knew him, I knew my Harry. He was not a womanizer, just a bit cheeky sometimes. And knowing Harry, the reputation the press has given him has already stung him deep, he was an incredibly emotional individual, even if he tried to hide it from the world. Anne had told me about how bad he had struggled the first two years in the spotlight, and I just couldn't make that any worse by throwing a child in the mix! The press would go berserk and H would be painted as a womanizing manwhore for the rest of his days. I can't let that happen.

People would go crazy over Catherine like they do for anyone close to Harry, we wouldn't be able to live a normal life. She was only two, almost three years old! I couldn't open her up to all of this yet. I just couldn't. I was being a responsible parent... wasn't I? I tried to convince myself of this, drill it in my head really. I was making the right decision not telling him. He was too young, I might be just a few months older, but I had been caring for her for nearly three years already! Just throwing this at an eighteen year old with no experience, now that just wasn't fair. He already had the weight of the world on his shoulders, did we really need to add on the weight of a child? I could take care of her. I had been doing it alone all of this time anyways, with the help of his mum and the occasional financial contribution of my own mother. I had gone through the early morning wake up calls, the diaper changes, the fevers and stomach flu. He had absolutely no experience with any of this. Harry would be home in a few hours time and I still had no idea what to do. I haven't seen him in three years, and I had no idea what to expect. Would he even want to see me after how I left things with him at the airport? I know that I hurt him deeply, and I have wished every day for three years that I could take that back... But I can't. And now my life as I know it is unraveling at the seams and there is nothing I can do about it. Anne's voice echoed through my head "You tell him or I will" How the hell did she expect him to even want to talk to me after how I treated him the last time we saw each other? How would he not hate me after I told him the truth? 'Hiya Harry! Last time I saw you I told you I didn't love you back and then proceeded to break down outside of the airport because the truth is I really do love you back I just couldn't tell you then because you knocked me up that one crazy night we spent together three years ago when we were so drunk we barely managed to get it in, anyways, congrats daddy, it's a girl!' No. No, no, no I couldn't tell him. I wouldn't tell him.

I must've been spacing out longer than I thought because when I looked around Catherine was asleep on the floor. She'd been quietly playing alone, she was such a well behaved girl. I picked her up and set her down on the couch with her pink zebra blanket and Mr. Teddy. She was always so peaceful and oh so beautiful when she slept. Her eyes furrowed with sleepiness and her small pink lips pouted just like Harry's when he was deep in sleep. I sat below the couch where my daughter rested and stared out the window, lost in my thoughts about Harry and where we were supposed to go from here. Anne walked by to go into the kitchen and I turned to look at her, probably looking twice my age from the worry lines that had began to form around my mouth and above my eyes.

"Please.." was all I could think to say. She turned and looked at me, pity dancing in her eyes.

"You can't think of what's best for Harry, just as you can't think of what's easiest for yourself. You have to think of what's best for your daughter," Anne glanced over at the scrapbook and box of things I had kept from Harry that I had forgotten neglected by the front door upon arrival. "she needs a father in her life, not just stories and pictures." I had a major headache and I couldn't do anything but rub my temple and watch my little girl sleep. She was so peaceful, like there were no problems in the world. I knew Anne was right, she needed a father. She deserved to know her father.

Sighing, I laid down on the couch next to Catherine, trying my hardest not to wake her from her deep slumber, but I knew I wouldn't. She was a very deep sleeper, also just like Harry. Not even a freight train could wake that girl up. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. I kissed the top of her head and pushed her messy curls away from her forehead. She was so beautiful. The perfect combination of Harry and I. Emphasis on the Harry. She had my nose and my petite frame, but that was about it. She had his eyes, mouth, dimples, curls, personality... all in all she was a little Harry. I could tell she'd be a total daddy's girl if she had the chance. I think that's what worried me the most. I had been the one there for her all this time. I was the one being both the parents. What if she ended up loving Harry more? I mean, it would make sense, they're alike in so many ways. Their likes, their dislikes... even Anne was a little taken aback at first by how much she was just like her father.. I knew it was selfish of me, but in that moment it wasn't just Harry's or Catherine's life I was worried of changing, it was mine as well. What if he came in and took my little girl away from me? What if she ended up a total Daddy's Girl even though i'd been the one caring for her all of this time? She was mine, and truly, I didn't want to share her with Harry. But what if he didn't want to be a part of her life? After all, I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted nothing to do with us after he found out. What would I tell her if he didn't want her?

I hadn't the slightest clue how long I had laid there as I watched the sun move higher in the sky until it was directly overhead. I traced light circles on Catherine's back as I stared at the picture of her on the wall across from the couch. I remembered the day that was taken. Anne, Gemma, Catherine, and I were having a girls day and after a long day of shopping and relaxing we were laying down in the meadow across from our favorite beach. I was teaching Catherine how to make a daisy chain and I made a head ring of beautiful white daisies, setting it on top of her head. She was sitting on my lap and the golden rays of the sun were just starting to set, the sky a beautiful mix of reds and pinks and yellows. She squinted up at me and I smiled back, kissing her forehead.

"I wuv mummy." She said in that adorable lisp of hers.

"I love you to my baby girl." I hugged her tight in my lap and we watched the sunset together. Anne had taken so many pictures of us smiling and laughing, but this one was by far the most beautiful. The sun shone perfectly down on Catherine's tiny features and her lips were curled up in a smile showing off those perfect dimples of hers in her flushed cheeks that made her look so much like her father. The halo of flowers on her head were placed just right so that her curls framed her face beautifully, the natural highlights showing. It was an amazing end to an amazing day with Catherine. A day that made me feel as if things could only get better from there.

The stress of the last few hours coupled with the early morning wake up call from Catherine had my eyes feeling heavy, and I slowly began drifting off to sleep myself. Before I knew it there was a knock at the door, jolting me awake. Gemma was out of town, so I knew it could only be one other person. I heard the familiar sound of the door creaking open and a shuffling as someone stepped inside, removing their shoes on the mat.

"Hullo?" I would recognize that deep raspy voice anywhere.

This was it, Harry was home.