Endless pain?

Endless pain? Chapter 28 (Special)

-Carls POV:-

(Before he dies)

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"The Tragedy Of Life Is Not Death But What We Let Die Inside Of Us While We Live"- Norman Cousins

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"You don't think I'm going to last right?" I ask my doctor bluntly.

My eyes trained on him.

I knew the response. But my only worry was Isi. My body is getting weaker day by day. It's not just the physical changes. But internally I know my body is beginning to shut down.

Sighing I await his answer.

"Mr Carter...we cannot give you a definite answer" he responds but his body language all suggest what he really thinks.

"Look, we both know that I don't have that much time left. But nothing will be said to my daughter. She's already got too much to deal with so to add this to her troubles would only make things worse. I don't wish to give her a definite answer that I'm dying. So I much rather not share anything with her"

I look deeply into the doctors eyes, daring him to say otherwise.

"I understand where you are coming from. But you must understand that she should know what's happening. We are all trying our very best but nothing is working. The chemo is failing and affecting you more and making things worse. We are trying alternatives but in reality you need to speak to her to keep her up to date. It's only fair to her. But of course, you have priority so it's up to you."

Shaking my head I respond back, "I know where you're coming from but I'm not putting her at further risk. Yeah my health is getting worse but from the moment I found out I knew this was my end. It was the beginning to my end. She still has hope, and I know that when I die she'll be affected even more. Broken even"

Standing up, I continue "i'll see you at my next appointment"

Waddling out of the room, I feel my eyes blur but I keep walking until I see Isi.

"What did he say dada?" she asks innocently.

"Oh nothing baby. Just telling me how everything is going. So don't worry baby girl. All is well" I smile at her. Of course it's fake but in reality what could I do. I won't let her hurt anymore than she already is.

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(Night before he goes into hospital)

Staring at my beloved I pick up the picture and kiss her.

'Oh Marie...I'll be seeing you soon. Our hearts will be complete but I'll be leaving another broken' I whisper as tears stream down my cheeks.

It's almost 2am and I'm unable to sleep. The worry of Isi is eating away at me. I know my time is near. Bit by bit everything is slowly crashing and I feel everything internally slowly start to fall and deteriorate. But what can I do?

Feeling helpless I lay back and close my eyes.

I feel like this few days are my last and its hurting me knowing my baby girl will be affected.

She will be an orphan once I'm gone.

She has no one but me on this world.

But of course I know I can't deny that boy, Adam (?) being in her life. He's good for her. I can tell he'll do anything for her. Hopefully he will be there for my Isi. I hope he supports her once I'm gone. He in once sense is like me. We are both smitten by the women we love. I see the love I have for Marie in his eyes. It's clear. His eyes scream how much he loves her.