Phan Fluff

Lion's Roar

When Dan found out he had won the raffle for the ticket to Lion's Roar he was over the moon. He had adored the band for the last three years, and finally they were coming to a city near him. Of course, he had never actually thought he would win, and he really didn't have the money to buy even the cheapest of tickets, so this was obviously fate. He was ecstatic.

On the day of the concert Dan made sure to take sometime to relax. He hated crowds and had intense social anxiety. But he could push through it, he had to, to see Lion's Roar live.

On the bus Dan focused on thinking about the band, rather than the many people gathered around him. It was actually a duo, Phil and PJ. Both played guitar and sang.

Dan felt calmer thinking about them. Their music had literally saved his life countless times. He had dreamed about the day he would finally get to meet them. And today was that day. He had won a VIP ticket. God was finally being good to him.

Dan shifted as he moved to take off his hoodie. He had left his house early when it had still been cool, but now on this bus, surrounded by humans, it was becoming increasingly warm. As he set his hoodie on his lap the woman sitting across from his gasped. He turned, saw what she was gaping at, and started to flush. He hated being embarrassed about his scars, he wanted to be confident and not ashamed, but it was so hard when people looked at him like he was a monster. The woman swiveled her head and starting whispering to the man next to her and Dan closed his eyes. He could do this. Just breathe.

Dan finally reached his stop and made his way quickly off the bus. At nearly 18, Dan had been taking the bus everywhere since his mother had lost her secretary job three years ago. She had sold their car and nearly their house before she landed a minimum wage job at a local shop. But Dan never got used to it. Even after 36 months he hated buses just as much.

Dan walked up the steps of the theatre and towards the box office which had two lines. The one stretching all the way down the street and around some corners was labeled "Regular Tickets," and the one which had three people in it was for VIPs.

Dan scurried past the long line, not making eye contact with any of them, worried of offending them or making them feel bad since he had the special ticket and they didn't. After getting his wristband with minimal talking he entered the building and went to find his seat.

The show was amazing. Though Dan had immediately felt claustrophobic, especially when the people crowded in, he forgot them all when the band ran onstage. They were a thousand times better live, and Dan was in heaven. He felt so much. So many emotions were rushing through his body, especially when he caught Phil Lester's eye. They had just finished a song and were introducing each other and PJ announced the black haired guitarist. Phil waved all around, but when he met Dan'seye he smiled.

Too soon the concert was over and the lights were back on. Everyone tried to bolt for the doors and Dan could feel his breathing and heart rate quicken tremendously. The lady in the box office had said he would meet the band in a room backstage with the other VIPs. He just needed to get there.

He tried to step out of the aisle but was almost crushed. No one was stopping for him. Someone actually pushed him. Someone gave him a dirty look. Dan sat back down and put his face in his hands, plugging his ears. He was going to have to wait, he just couldn't force his way into that mess.

Finally he opened his eyes and the giant hall had mostly cleared out. He stood up for a again, but this time a girl behind him started talking to him.

"Is that a VIP wristband?"

Dan jumped, having not realized anyone was so close by. He picked up his jacket as he nodded slowly.

"I'll give you $200 for it. They sold out before I could get mine!"

Dan backed away. He shook his head. He wanted to meet them.

The girl wrinkled her brow. "Why not?! You were just sitting there, obviously not caring about the meet and greet, like it's probably almost over, and I'm willing to pay you $200 for it!" She started following him.

"You're probably just going to leave, you douchebag, just give me the fucking ticket!" She grabbedhis hoodie to stop him and Dan bolted, leaving the jacket in herhands.

The room was small with only two people in it. Phil was the remaining band member, and he was chatting with a young girl. She laughed at something Phil said and hugged him. Dan could feel his body start shaking and clenched his fists. Not now. This couldn't happen now. He could do this!

The girl waved goodbye and Phil turned towards Dan. "Hello," he said with a smile.

Dan tried to move, but the shaking was worse and his legs suddenly felt paralyzed. He closed his eyes to try and center himself and then arms were wrapped around him. Dan's eyes popped open to find Phil holding him. "Sorry, I'm just cold," he said into Phil's shirt.

"No you're not," was the quiet response and when Dan tried to pull away Phil wouldn't let go. Slowly, Dan's shaking subsided.

"You alright?"

Dan nodded a little more confidently and Phil let him go. As he did, Dan felt his eyes land on his arms, and he cursed himself silently for having lost his jacket. "Sorry," he started to say but Phil stopped him.

"Don't be embarrassed. But I want you to do something for me." Phil took Dan's hand and placed it on his own arm. "Every time you want to cut you've got to do it to my arm, not yours."

Dan jerked away. "I could never do that," he whispered.

"Why not?"

"Because you're a person and you didn't do anything wrong!"

"And neither did you," Phil said simply.

Dan felt tears spring to his eyes. No one had ever told him that before. It was always that he was failing, not going anywhere, doing the wrong things.

Phil took Dan's arm and kissed it. "You are a beautiful person, my bear," he said,and Dan realized he hadn't told him his name. "You don't, and never will, deserve that."

Dan could feel his control slipping away and he didn't want to lose it again in front of this amazing creature. "Um, I have to go, but-"

Phil interrupted him again. "I understand. But here..." He jotted something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Dan. "Text me if you need anything."

"Thank you," he whispered, and Phil replied, "Stay strong, bear."

"I will," Dan said, and for the first time, he actually believed he could.

***

going to camp for a week, so there'll be an update after that, sorry. hope you guys liked this one! xxx