Ever After «A Law & Order: SVU Fanfic»

Chapter Seven: Vulnerable

Zoe's POV:

I walk up to the podium to speak about Lucy. My heart is throbbing and my hands feel clammy as I walk past her casket and feel a small ounce of discomfort. I'm wearing a black skirt and dress shirt, I put a black blazer over and black pumps on. I'm wearing the earrings that Lucy gave me for my birthday. They have Z's on them. I look over at the large group of over 900 people that showed up to the cemetery today and take a deep breath. Basically, everyone who she knew from school showed up, and everyone in her family. It's bright out and the temperature feels amazing, I'm glad today's the day she's being put to rest.

"I'm Zoe Benson. Lucy Caine is my best friend...I know when people hear me say 'is', they get all crazy because she's not alive. But I say 'is' because no matter where she is, she'll always be my best friend, I will never stop loving her...we met in first grade, she would ask the teacher a million questions she already knew the answer to for clarification.

"One day the teacher just stopped answering her questions and listening to her strange stories because she could tire you out in a minute. She sat next to me and asked me my name. When I told her that it was Zoe, she asked me if the letter Z came first in the alphabet or last. When I said last, she told me I was wrong. We argued about it for about twenty minutes until the teacher finally told her she was wrong. She apologized and asked me if I wanted to color with her. We were best friends since then.

"Lucy is an amazing person, not only because she had the ability to make the best of a situation, but also because she was an overall positive person. She helped me grow stronger."

After I was finished, everyone clapped. I walked back over to my seat in the front and sat down next to Mom.

"You did great."she said putting we hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks."I said to her, but I didn't feel too confident about what I said.

A few hours later, Lucy's body was lowered into the ground. I watched everything in my life get thrown away in slow motion. I shed no tears because I have none left, what am I supposed to do now?

When we get back home from the funeral, Mom tells me that I can change and we'll go back to the precinct together. I don't really mind, although it's Saturday and I just want to lay in my bed and look up at the ceiling. I still haven't slept. I'm literally forcing myself to stay awake.

I go into my closet and pull out a pair of Adidas sweat pants to put on, I walk over to my drawer and pick out a white tank top. I put on a pair of Adidas and call it a bum day.

I walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I look the same I always do, except, I don't recognize myself. If it makes sense, I don't understand how I even wake up in the morning. I seriously don't even feel strong enough to do that anymore.

I take my hair out and brush it into a ponytail. I should get a hair cut, or dye it or something. I'm getting tired of seeing the same thing everyday. I grab my black sunglasses and we head outside.

When we get in Mom's car, we're both extremely quiet. I want to speak to her so bad now, but I'm afraid. Dr. Avery says I shouldn't talk to her unless I'm ready, but will I honestly ever be ready?

I walk into the precinct behind my mother, my black shades on. I haven't been there in a while and everyone's staring at me. Even the officers are just awkwardly staring at me.

"What!?"say rudely, everyone stops staring at me and returns to work.

I sit down in a seat next to Amanda and look at my cellphone, my head is pounding and I'm so nauseous. I put my head down on her desk put my headphones in. I'm listening to 'Beauty From Pain' by Superchick, a song that makes me sad. When I'm about to fall into sleep, I get a call on my phone from a number I don't recognize. I look around to see nobody is looking and I get up from where I am. I walk over to the bathroom and pick up my cell.