Oyama: Her Story

CHAPTER 74

If someone was to tell me to describe what my marriage was like, the past 4 years, I know it sounds cliché but I don’t have the word. Don’t get me wrong I know the word, its just on the tip of my tongue. I mean just the first month was magical and a bit hectic. So let me take yall back, somewhere between the whole commotion about Mogale and Nomzamo, yall remember Nomzamo, the girl who was confused and confessed her love for my husband not knowing he has an Identical twin.
I walk closer to Qhawe and lean against his tall frame, he looks down at me, “I’m sorry my brother ruined your wedding”
“You mean our wedding” I say.
He chuckles, “Yeah, I forgot, our wedding” he says smiling.
I look back, “What are you thinking about?”
He looks down at me, “I’m waiting for some sign that says, this is all a dream and I cannot actually have it all”
“Who says you cannot have it all?” I wrap my arms around his waist.
“Everything I have ever done, has somehow blown up in my face when I get comfortable”
“Well when you think about it, your brother’s lover confessing is that thing that blows up” I say. He chuckles and looks down, “That is true” he takes a breath and coughs, “That is true”
I put my head against his chest and its beating fast-his heart.
We stand like this for a while, for a long while, before I look up at him and I can see his eyes gleasining under the night sky.
I never thought I’d ever see him crying again, but here he is crying, “Why are you crying?” I ask softly.
He coughs, “I’m just thinking about what happens from here”
“OK and?”
“How will I look at our children, knowing that I have killed people?”

"You think our children will see a monster?" I ask quietly.
He doesn’t answer immediately.
His fingers trace slow, absent-minded circles against the small of my back, like he’s searching for the right words—or maybe the courage to say them out loud.
"I don’t think, I’d be the best candidate to give any lectures or any punishments”
“How did your father punish you guys?”
“He never punished us a lot, that was usually given to our mom”
“Then that’s what I’ll do, I’ll be the authority figure between the 2 of us”
He looks down at me, “What?” I look up at him.
“Nothing, I just love you, that’s all” he smiles and kisses my forehead.
I step onto his shoes and we start waddle back to the Marquee with me on his feet, we waddle in and they are playing, Zungandithembi by Vusi Nova, its one of his favorite songs. Still standing on his shoes, I let him lead us in a slow, clumsy dance.
His arms wrap firmly around my waist as he moves us in small circles, swaying with the rhythm like the world outside doesn’t exist.
"See," I whisper, resting my head against his chest, "You can have it all. It doesn’t have to blow up."
He chuckles low in his throat, the vibration humming against my cheek, "For the first time, I’m starting to believe you," he murmurs.
Around us, our family and friends are laughing, some wiping away happy tears. Someone tries to catch our attention, calling out our names, but Qhawe only tightens his hold on me, as if letting go would somehow break whatever fragile magic was holding this night together. He leans down, his lips brushing my ear.
"Promise me something," he says.
"Anything," I whisper back.

"Promise me... when it does get hard—and it will get hard—that you won't walk away."
I pull back slightly to look at him. His face, usually so guarded and strong, is open now, vulnerable in a way I know he only shows to me.
"I promise," I say without hesitation, my voice strong and sure, "I’m not going anywhere."
He nods, like he's trying to memorize this moment, burn it into his memory for the storms that might come later.
And somehow, I know he’s doing the same for me. The song plays on, and we keep moving—me balancing on his shoes, him guiding us around like we’re the only two people left in the world.
"Besides," I tease lightly, smiling up at him, “I married into crazy," I remind him with a soft chuckle, "Remember?"
He finally lets out a real laugh—the sound I fell in love with—the one that could make even the darkest night seem a little less daunting.