when you are close to me i shiver
"oh, hey stranger." dan smirked, his eyes - which he felt he had no control over - carefully investigating philip up and down. in response, philip practically froze into position, sporting his usual awkward gawpe and fidgeting hands. for a few, almost endless seconds, the tension would have been easily sliced with a knife, but soon dan spoke up again in attempt to shatter the silence.
"try to take your eyes off of me, church boy." he scoffed, rolling his eyes and lazily stubbing out his cigarette on the wall behind him. philip's cheeks immediately drenched themselves in the deepest shade of pink, and he could feel them fiercely burning as if they were raging with anger. philip was almost certain that this was the emotion that he was supposed to be feeling after that remark, but was equally sure that the reality was the polar opposite.
"perhaps you could refrain from looking at me up and down like that then?" philip snorted in return, instantly widening his eyes and feeling the need to cup his hands over his mouth in disbelief. surely, he couldn't have just said something so unnecessarily vindictive? dan looked gobsmacked also, slightly resembling the first look that philip had on his face when he slumped over to him.
dan had to admit, during their previous encounters, he had rather admired philip's quiet and thoughtful exterior, which only made his sudden outburst more shocking. however, one thing was for certain, dan liked this attitude far more. infact, he couldn't hold back the the smile which was beginning to beam from ear to ear at the thought of the boy's secret intentions.
"hey, why are you smiling? i was so rude... i-i'm sorry..." philip began to stutter, quickly losing track of which word came next, desperately trying to string his sentence together. it seemed that whenever he was around dan, his brain would continuously battle against itself to decide what to say and do. he always found himself in a catch 22 of wanting to say everything in his mind, but also trying to keep his thoughts at bay, as they were certainly no match for his mother.
"it's alright, haha. well, i invited you here for a reason, i suppose - that homophobic mother of yours must be a nightmare," dan sighed, "you ought to get away from her once in a while, or you'll catch it next."
"catch what?" philip questioned, curiously.
dan crouched down to the floor before sitting down fully, his legs lazily outstretched. he tapped his hand on the spare ground beside him, gesturing philip to sit down with him. for a moment, he was unsure how to react to this, and anxiously took a small step backwards to show that he was uncomfortable. in response, dan made the gesture once again, however this time looked at philip differently; his eyes seemed to soften slightly, as if to assure him that he would be fine. following this, he nervously shuffled forwards, and slowly sat himself down. he shivered at the touch of dan's shoulder and his.
"you haven't heard of it?" dan begun, sarcasm in every ounce of his voice, along with the prominent scent of tobacco, "it's the 'i'm so far up jesus' arse that i haven't yet managed to heave my own into the 20th century'."
phil frowned, before building himself up to speak very softly, "that's not fair, i'm not like that...church isn't..."
"of course, of course..." dan chuckled satirically, glancing at his watch before shooting back up from the floor. he instantaneously exchanged his calm expression for a rather flustered one before speaking up again, "shit. shit. shit. i've got to go - my break's over...but come back tomorrow, okay?"
while he knew it would be extremely hard and definitely wrong to conjure up an excuse to come and see dan again, (disobeying his parents twice in a row) philip seemed to find the hopeful smile staring back at him toxic, as his chest was thumping harder than it ever had before, and he was certain that it was not normal. he wondered if perhaps this would be one step closer to his new universe, and with guilt wrenching deep in his gut, he had decided.
"okay."
-
he delicately shoved the key into the lock, preparing himself yet again for the shrieks and squeals which would inevitably escape from his mother's mouth.
"philip michael lester! where have you been?! have you any idea how long you have taken to fetch me one simple thing? you are the epitome of useless!"
she threw her words out like weapons.
"mother, please, they ran out of the bread we usually buy at one supermarket....i had to walk across town to another, that's why i took so long." philip whispered, trying to look as sorry and innocent as he could in an attempt to escape any further earache.
his stomach churned at the thought of how she might react to what he had really been doing, and how he was really feeling towards the person who sat alongside him, but he shoved it down at the thought of seeing dan again, tomorrow.
why is this one so cheesy n gross i literally spent like twO HOURS ON IT DAMNIT
song of the chapter:
shiver shiver // walk the moon
YOU ARE READING
polarize // phan
Fanfiction"the world isn't just black and white, you know." the year is 1994. philip lester has been brought up with the most religious of ideals, in a highly christian household. he attends church every sunday, says grace at the dinner table nightly, prays a...
