polarize // phan

-nine-

only fools fall for you, only fools

only fools do what i do, only fools fall

the ambient strumming of the subtle guitar music airing throughout his surroundings was not nearly enough to distract himself from his own thoughts, as dan longingly fixed his eyes on the front window. it seemed he was subconsciously waiting for someone to arrive. while rather passively ripping off a bill and slamming it down onto the table, he was completely unaware, of course, that the frightened customers jumped up in unison with the violent whack, placed down a few pound notes and scurried away into the distance before dan could say a word.

but he was not focused on this in the slightest. his mind was, however, fixated on the previous week's events, and practically nothing else; if he closed his eyes he could feel the warmth of phil's hand in his as though it were there, yet when he opened his eyes once again, the image of his startled face was all he could see. in hindsight, he had realised that he must have been far too quick to start something like that with somebody who had never experienced anything even remotely similar to what he had, and with each passing minute became filled with more and more regret at the thought of making him uncomfortable.

he soon began to think that perhaps shouldn't have even thought of placing his hand in phil's in the first place, that he had misunderstood the situation completely. after all, why on earth would someone with parents so blatantly against it, ever want anything to do with him? had he taken it all out of context? what on earth was he thinking to believe that perhaps for just one second, phil saw him in the same way?

"dan!" the familiar boom of his manager's voice sounded all around him, almost as if it were bouncing off of the walls.

dan proceeded to moodily stalk over to him, only to be greeted with a rather disapproving scowl. in fact, the man's eyebrows creased down so far dan was honestly unsure how they weren't sliding down his face. it was in that moment that he slowly began to panic; he had always joked and laughed at the thought of being fired, yet deep down knew it would never happen. what if he was?

"well, well, well...it seems as though we have a problem mr howell," his brittle voice echoed, grating on him more with each word,  "i believe you were, in actual fact, not seeing your dying 'great aunt' last friday, is that correct?"

dan didn't have to think very carefully about his next move: deny, deny, deny.

-

the cracks were beginning to get bigger, philip thought, his eyes fixed to the very ceiling they lay beneath. as his body lay entirely still - like it had been for an hour or two - he soon realised that perhaps they weren't, but at least the sickly salmon-pink paint surrounding them was beginning to curl over and peel off, making them seem like they were. even then, that was the least of his worries.

it had been precisely six days since he had been sentenced to his punishment, and since then, he had barely heard a word from either of his parents. if, extremely rarely, he did hear them speak in his direction, it would be in a hushed murmur underneath their breath, as if to reiterate how ashamed they were to have a son who lied to them. with no other place in the house to retreat, (without vicious growls glares directed towards him) he found sanctuary in his bedroom for most days, excluding when he was reluctantly called down for dinner in the evening. otherwise, he stayed as far away as he possibly could.

his loneliness almost became comforting. the more time he spent alone, the more philip became confused as to why his parents were so disgusted; surely "falling asleep in a bible" or whichever excuse he improvised in the moment was not nearly as bad as what really had happened that night. of course, he felt more guiltier than he ever had, yet there was something continuously nudging him.

he slowly shuffled himself onto his side, keeping his breathing steady. was dan's hand in his actually bad?

it didn't feel it.

thinking about it now, it felt the exact opposite.

the infamous shrill squeak sounded as it did before - this time unrestricted by its previous shame - only to cut his conflict short.

"philip! we are meeting with father johnson again next thursday! do not embarrass yourself!"

-

"this is your final warning. do you hear me?"

he almost automatically rolled his eyes at the floor in response, his arms firmly barricaded across his chest.

it seemed his plan did not work.

"so, can i go on my break now?" he sighed, barely daring to look into the man's eyes, knowing how saturated with anger they would be.

the stern scowl on his face lifted, almost as if he were accepting defeat.

"look, dan. you and i both know you need this job just as much as i need you to do it. just...just get on with it. and for once, do it properly."

"so...that's a yes?"

song:
fools // troye sivan

(okay this is gonna be a big ol note here we go)

a/n
hi hello hey! a few days ago this thing hit 10K, and for me that is pretty darn crazy. it is unbelievable that so many people have clicked on this little story i started on a whim when i was bored in the middle of summer - i'm honestly struggling to come to terms with it a bit! it is such a wonderful thing that so many lil bundles of joy (you, hi!) comment and vote and are really lovely about this mish-mash of phan crap that i try to write.  i can't thank you enough for sticking by it. if you are currently reading this chapter you are an awesome human being. i really am humbled that out of everything you could choose in the endless abyss that is the internet, you waste your time reading this. you are a saint. may our lord and saviour shia labeouf bless you. thank you thank you thank you

also also you gotta follow paesthetic and give their stories a read because they are ultra lovely! not to mention their fics are 11/10 would recommend and they do not get the recognition they deserve! please u gotta fuel your phan trash they r sosos good

also last thing: it's late and i haven't edited but i will do okay dokey goodbye