Hate letters to the one I love

life

this is about life. 

basically im scared. i live in fear. whenever i hear a door slam i freeze because im scared of whats going to happen next.  when i hear my name being called i cover my ears just in case there is a bang on the door or yelling. ive never felt like this before. when i hear screaming i pretend im sleeping so they wont bother me. 

i dont like that i hide all the time. i lock my doors and tell them im doing something different when im crying or writing my brains outs.

we dont say 'i love you'  we dont even have a conversation. it like we just live together in a house that i cant call home. im not happy. im constantly crying. just when they scold me for something so small i cry. i feel like a child. i feel vulnerable. i dont want to tell anyone because i dont wanna sound like a drama queen. 

i feel so unhappy. i dont wanna say depressed because its probably not that. ill just say sad. and i know if i try and hurt myself i will still be yelled at. i wont get hugs or kisses. ill get screams .