BACKSTAGE - OT8

I Need To Know

He couldn't tell if his dreams that night were memories or his imagination just running wild. Some of the stuff he remembered was simple. A lot of playing around, laughing, and eating with the members. The usual things he's used to. But some things felt like he took a wrong turn somewhere, because there was just no way it was real. It couldn't be. He loves his members, absolutely adores them, but he knows they don't feel the same, and he's been doing his best to come to terms with that. 

He wondered if over the years he'd finally gotten over them, but his dreams last night would prove otherwise. So he had yet another reason to leave. Even if waking up that morning alone, in such a big bed felt wrong. He'd have to get used to it.

So begrudgingly, he went to his room to get ready as he ignored the noise of the others in the kitchen. The way they laughed sounded like they'd be just fine without him.

When he came into the room where they were all sitting already at the dining table, he once again felt awkward at how quiet it became.

They started eating in silence. Some of them shared looks like they didn't know who should be the first to speak. But Han seemed to decide for them.

"You remembered something last night. Are you still gonna leave?" He asked softly.

"I think it's for the best." Hyunjin said.

"I don't!" Changbin exasperated.

Hyunjin sighed. It's not fair that they're making him the bad guy. He doesn't want to leave. But he doesn't want to hold them back either. And right now, he's just dead weight.

"Just think about it, really. We know you better than anyone. Every great memory you've had has been with us. The only way you can remember is with us." Chan seemed to be the only level-headed one.

Hyunjin looked at him, agreeing silently because he knew this. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Remembering would be great. But how long was it gonna take? How much time would they lose trying to help him?

"We do everything together. We can figure this out together, too." Felix said, grabbing his hand.

He watched all of them at the table. Seeing just how bad they were screaming for him not to go without even moving their lips.

But when his eyes landed on Lee Know, the older man turned away from him, looking disappointed.

The look crushed him.

"I-" He quickly clutched his head, a migraine coming out of nowhere. "Ugh."

"Hyunjin!" Someone yelled, and his head felt like it was splitting in two.

His eyes closed, and he realized he was recalling another memory. The members were all at the table, much like now, only someone was angry. Changbin? There was yelling, and he couldn't make it out. Everyone was against him. He could tell from their faces. No. Against them. They left them, one by one. He was crying to Lee Know. "I'm sorry?" That's what he kept repeating.

What was that? They were arguing about something.

"Are you okay? Do we need to go to the hospital?" Seungmin asked.

"No. It's a memory." Whatever he felt last night before remembering the crash was like a key unlocking things left and right. If only it could've done that months ago.

"What was it?" Chan asked cautiously.

"Did we have a fight here before? You guys were upset with me and Lee Know Hyung about something. What was it?" Everyone stayed silent, and Hyunjin did not have time for it. "Whatever happened is in the past, just tell me." He said, frustrated. He was the one suffering the most from this, the least they could do was answer him. It doesn't matter what happened. If it's a memory, it might unlock more.