Wreck

Sorry

Billie woke later that day. Mike was with him when he first opened his eyes-I'd gone to the toilet-and Mike met me outside his room.
"Listen, Tré, I don't know how to say this but... Billie doesn't want to see you."

"What?" My heart sank.

"He's just not up for talking or anything, he doesn't want visitors."

"But he spoke to you?"

"I was there when he woke up, he didn't really have a choice." By the way Mike was talking I could tell he was trying to cover up the truth. He didn't want to see me. Anyone else would be fine to visit him.

"Don't be stupid, he's my best friend... I have to make sure he's okay" I said, pushing past him.
I hurried over to Billie's bed but was met by a stern faced man who I hardly recognised. He glared at me as I stared back at him and I moved closer to the bed. "Billie?"

"Haven't... you... done enough?" He wheezed, struggling with the smallest words.

"Billie, please, I'm so sorry, I-"

"Just go... Tré..."

"Billie, you don't mean that" I felt tears build up in my eyes as it became clear that he actually did mean it.

"Look at... me... how am I... supposed... to... play... next month?"

I remembered the tour we were supposed to be doing in three weeks time and gulped. "They won't care as long as you're okay, that's all that matters."

"I'm not okay... am I?

"Bill, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen, all I wanted was for you to know that-"

"-you... love... me?" He made a noise I'd imagine was meant to be a scoff, "... yeah..."

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone, especially not you."

"Well look... at me!" He growled, "this is... what... happens... when you... try and tell... people... things they... don't need... to hear... just get... out..."

I stared at him. He couldn't mean that... could he? I know I had caused this, but he was my best friend... how could he be saying all this to me?
"Billie, please, just listen to me, I-"

"GET OUT!" He shouted as loud as he could and winched, clutching his chest. The pain in his face was enough to make me back away and a nurse came in to escort me out of the room.

"You're causing him too much stress, he needs his rest." She said calmly but I was hysterical. I didn't know if I wanted to shout, cry or punch something... in the end I cried on Mike again. He was good at comforting me and we both went and got a coffee.

"It's too soon for anyone to be speaking to him." Mike sighed, "he's in pain, he's upset, he's probably terrified... just give him time. He'll get over it, I'm sure he doesn't blame you."

"But it's my fault." I said miserably. "I was driving. I did this to him."

"Hey, it could have been a lot worse."

"Yeah, it could have. That's why it's unacceptable. He has every right to hate me, I could have killed him."
I gazed down at my coffee and Mike didn't reply. I don't think he knew what to say. To be honest I didn't know what else to say...
We sat there for at least an hour, I guess Mike didn't want to be the one to tell me that I had to leave...

When Mike did finally get up to see Billie again, I went home. I called a cab, ran to my house, curled up in bed and stayed there for the rest of the day.