Wreck

Easy Answer

When Billie woke again he inhaled loudly and his head snapped up, followed by a low groan.
"My fucking neck..."

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want anything? You need to take your meds in, like, 10 minutes and you've hardly eaten all day."

"I'm not hungry."

"Bill, you know you have to eat. You'll get sick otherwise."

He shrugged as best he could, "I'm fine."

"I'm serious, Billie. Either tell me what you want or I'll get you something and force you to eat it."

"Fine. There's chicken soup in the cupboard downstairs."

I nodded in approval, "I'll get your tablets too."

He grunted in response as I left to get his food.
I struggled to get him to finish the bowl but he didn't make a fuss taking the pills and he drank a glass of water, so I guess that was something...
"I know you're trying to help," Billie said, turning his nose up at the rest of the soup, "but you don't have to take it this seriously."

"Of course I do, you're my best friend. I'm not gonna sit here and let you get weaker, am I?"
He frowned.
"Sorry, you know what I mean. You're not weak, you just... need to get better."

"Yeah." He gazed across the room. "Why are you helping me, Tré?"

"What?"

"Why are you helping me?" He was still looking across the room but his gaze had drifted to look out of the window.

"I don't understand."

"Everything you've ever done for me, all we've been through, everything we've ever done together... then you told me something that was clearly important and I treated you like shit for it. And I made you feel guilty about the accident when it wasn't your fault..."

"Look what I did to you, Billie. You had every right to be angry with me, I almost killed you."

He shook his head, "it's not your fault. I don't blame you for what happened at all, I just feel horrible for how I treated you... Why would you come back to me?"

"Do you want the honest answer or the easy answer?"

"I'd rather have the easy answer..."

"Because you're my best friend and I'd never let you go through something like this on your own."

He sighed, dread written all over his face. "But that's not the honest answer is it... so what's that one?"

I closed my eyes, still facing the floor. "Because I love you."
I let my eyes open and snap to Billie.
He tore his beautiful green eyes away from the window and looked dead into mine. I looked away, unable to stand his expression. He looked... upset... and worried... like he regretted asking..
"I'm sorry, Billie, but I love you."

He let his head droop against the pillow and stared at the ceiling.
"So how are we gonna deal with that?"

"We?"

"Yeah... if it's your problem, it's my problem... right?"

"You don't have to do anything, I can deal with it on my own."

"But I don't want you to. I want to make things better, if that means spending more time with you, fine, if it means keeping my distance... well it would suck, but I'm okay with that too."

I smiled half heartedly at him. "Thanks."
I knew that he was trying to make me feel better, but it really wasn't working... in fact, it was having the opposite effect. "I think I'm gonna get a coffee." I stood and went to the kitchen where I could let out a few tearless sobs without Billie seeing me.

But I didn't realise he could hear me...