Wreck

Time Apart

"I'm sorry." He sniffed, his face quickly turning to cold stone.

"Don't be."

"I shouldn't have said any of that. It's only gonna complicate things and I don't want you getting the wrong idea, I'm just a bit messed up at the moment."

"You don't need to explain, it's okay, Billie."

"No its not. How can you be so cool about it? Do you not love me?"

"What? Of course I do... what are you talking about? What do you care?"

He shook his head, "forget I said anything, I'm tired... I just... don't know how you could stand there and act all calm and collected while the person you supposedly love has just... well, said any of that."

I looked him in the eyes. "What do you want from me?"

"Well something would be nice, I mean I've just opened up to you and you're just standing there looking vacant, I need your help. What do I do?"

"You want my reaction? I mean my honest reaction? You want me to just not hold back and say or do the first thing that comes into my head? Sorry, but I'm using all the self control I have as it is. It's hard enough just standing here."

He looked down, "I know, I'm sorry, Tré. I'm being a dick, I know it's hard on you. I'm making things worse aren't I?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, "depends what your feelings are now."

"Look, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't know what to think, I'd prefer it if you called Mike and just left for a few days-not in a 'fuck off' kinda way, but just to let me get my head straight."

My heart sunk, "yeah, okay."

"Come on, don't sound too disappointed. I'll call you when I'm feeling better and we can talk then. Right now I think we need our space."

"Okay. See ya later, Bill."
I called Mike, left the house and got a taxi back to mine. I was calm as I opened my front door and stepped in. I pushed the door closed behind me and I was home-in the security and comfort of the familiar walls. It was then I could release everything. I knelt down and covered my face, letting myself fall to my knees and sit on my heels. I moaned out loud, unable to even cry, and rocked backwards and forwards. "Oh god, he's never gonna wanna see me again... oh god..." I did cry then, I cried until my eyes burned, my throat hurt and my head throbbed. Billie got rid of me. That was his way to get me to leave. He doesn't want to speak to me anymore, what if he makes me quit the band? What will I do with my life?! "Oh god..." I whimpered, running my fingers through my hair and then tightening the grip on the strands between my fingers.

What the fuck was I going to do now?!