Wreck

Numb

When the ambulance finally arrived, Billie had no colour in him. I had never seen someone so pale before... I was still sat in the same position, numb and confused. The paramedics got on with trying to resuscitate Billie while I looked on, emotion leaving my body until I was just a shell.
I couldn't even think about how I felt about Billie... at that moment in time I didn't care about what was happening... I think if they had told me that Billie had died then I still would have struggled to feel anything.
After what could have been seconds or hours they put Billie and I in the same ambulance. From what I could tell they had got Billie to breathe again, but it still wasn't looking good. I sat staring through the side of the ambulance as we drove to the hospital. I was so tired...

When we pulled up, Billie was hurried away and I was taken to a separate section of the hospital. They adressed the injuries that I hadn't even realised I had and settled me down for a physical and mental evaluation.

After a while I noticed someone run past where I was sitting. They then ran back-as if in rewind-and shouted my name. It was Mike. "Tré? What the fuck happened?"

I shrugged. "We had a crash."

"Are you okay? Where's Billie?"

I shrugged again, this time not bothering to answer.

"Tré! This is serious! Where's Billie?!"

I looked up lazily at him and he shook his head in frustration before turning and leaving the room.

They let me lay down on a bed while I got my head straight, and I slowly started to return to reality. A nurse wandered past the door and I called her in.
"Excuse me? Where's my friend?"

"I'm not sure, sir, what was his name?"

"Billie Joe Armstrong. We were in a car accident together?"

"Oh, I think they're still operating on him. I'll go and look into it for you." She walked away.

Operating?! Shit!
I went to get up and winced. My fucking neck.
I carefully went over to the reception desk and asked the woman behind there for answers instead. I was led to a room where Mike was already sitting on a chair next to Billie. He looked as though he might have been crying, but was holding it together now. He looked up at me when I entered the room and the receptionist left us alone.

"What happened?" Mike asked, letting me sit in his seat.

I couldn't tell him about what I had told Billie... "the car hit a van."

"How?"

"I... I drifted in front of it and... I couldn't get out of the way in time..."
Mike stared at me and I felt guilt flood my system. This was completely my fault. I shouldn't have been driving in the first place...
Mike looked sympathetic and opened his arms for me, so I accepted the gesture and hugged him.

"The doctors said that it'll be hit and miss for a while, but they've done the best they could. He has a broken arm and fractured wrist, a few cracked and broken ribs and a broken nose. They had to operate because one of the ribs punctured a lung... he had a lot of blood loss and internal bleeding. The rest is just cuts and bruises."

Hearing Mike run through the list of Billie's injuries made me feel ill. I felt my eyes burn and soon I was sobbing on Mike's shoulder. What had I done?