Where I Wanna Be

Closing a Chapter

{I found the perfect song for August and Aaliyah's relationship. Listen to Resentment by Beyoncé; it's fitting and is in the media box. Enjoy Queen B and this story!}

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I stop by Diamond's house to get my phone and rush home to see August with a smile on my face. Things with us are going to be better now. Maybe we can leave our pasts behind us now that my future looks so bright. We can get back to where we started. I make it home and run inside.

I open my mouth to say something but August's aura stops me. He's standing in my front room looking at his phone blankly. 

  "Aug? Baby, what's wrong?" I ask.

He looks at me as if I did something wrong. I take a step back from the cold look in his eyes.

  "You did a video with Trey," he says through gritted teeth.

  "Yeah, you saw it already?" I ask, getting excited. "What'd you think? I didn't know it'd drop so fast."

  "When was you gone tell me about this?"

I gape at him. "I didn't know about it. Trey and Drake showed up at Diamond's party, I won a bet with Trey and got in the video. What's your problem?"

  "You all hugged up on him talking about, 'does he do it?' How I'm supposed to feel about that, mane," he says.

  "August, nothing's going on with Trey. The video's going to get me more exposure and some people I met at the party today. Besides he has a girlfriend in Atlanta he just left.This is great, babe! Be happy for me," I say, noticing nothing I said seemed to change his mood.

  "That don't mean shit. He can still cheat. If you need exposure, you come to me for that. You do a video with me. As my girl. You all over the internet hugged up on another nigga," he condemns.

I look at him in shock. "And you in videos with other girls but you don't see me complaining."

 "Not girls that I fucked," he responds.

  "Right because you only fuck your baby mama," I say, crossing my arms.

  "Man, what you talking about?" he asks, face scrunched up.

  "I'm talking about you and Tea. I didn't want to argue with you so I didn't bring it up. But Marquan showed me a picture of you sexing her."

   "It wasn't me," he says.

I throw my hands up. He can't lie to me like that and with the lamest excuse. I deserve more than that.

  "I'm not stupid. I know you. I know your face, your body-"

  "You confused. How long was you there? Probably messing with your vision," he says.

  "Really? Okay," I say, running to my bedroom and digging through my dirty clothes and run back into the living room.

  "What's that, huh? That's not you?"

He snatches the picture and looks at it. "You kept this?"

Woww, he wants to know that of all things. "They put in pocket so I wouldn't forget. That's all you got to say?"

When he doesn't say anything, I say, "you ain't shit, August."

  "Look" he says, rolling his shoulders forward. "I didn't have sex with her or nobody that's not you since we been together."

  "Look at the date, cabron.You just gone lie to my face like that? I don't know why I deal with you for real," I say, muttering the last part.

  "Yeah me neither. If it wasn't for my baby I'd be done," he says.

  "It might not be yours," I blurt.

He turns to me. He's cold and looming over me. I back back again, closer to the door now.

  "What?" he asks.

  "You heard me. I was with Trey, remember?" I say bravely when I'm really scared of what he might do.

  "You arguing with me about cheating and that might not be my baby? What type of shit you be on, mane?" 

I shake my head. 

  "You had another baby with my relative and then had sex with her. Don't even try to pull this on me. Besides, I can raise my baby on my own. You can go play happy family like you was doing before," I say, gesturing towards the door.

  "You keep bringing up old shit, I thought we was over that," he says.

  "Not in my heart," I say, hearing my voice waver. "I was here for you, August, why? Just tell me that and go."

He stands there silently for a minute. 

  "I don't know."

I wipe my last and final tear over him. 

  "Get out," I say. "Now! Get out, get out, get out!" I yell over and over again.

  "Crazy bitch," he says and slams my door on his way out.

I was wrong about my last tear because hearing him call me a bitch broke a sob out of my throat and the flood gates. My heart hurt, and it seems like that's all I'm doing lately. Because of August. All of my problems came from him. But I loved him. I convinced myself that that was enough. So I tried to forget everything that was wrong, everything I did, everything he did. But love wasn't enough. Not when I knew in my heart, I couldn't move past it all. It took us this long to realize that we don't fit. 

I place my hand to my stomach. But we have a baby on the way, or I have a baby on the way. I can't handle this. I can't bring a child into this messed up world with my fucked up life. I got to my dresser, pull out a card, and dial the number.

  "Yes, I'm Aaliyah. I called earlier. I'll like to schedule that appointment for tomorrow. Yes, an abortion," I say.

This is where I get my life back.