My lips touch his again and it's a lot more rough. I know we both need this, we both crave the others touch. It's intoxicating. He pushes the straps of my dress down to my hips and he reaches out and palms my breasts in both his hands.
A small moan...
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I didn't mean to relapse. It just fucking happened. One minute, Aria and I are arguing about how fucking incompetent I am and the next, I'm at this bar snorting some random shit up my nose.
I felt... relief. Like this is what I was meant to do. Like the temporary happiness that comes with getting clean is nothing compared to how that rush feels... the energy that surges through my blood, my bones... fuck. I feel like I'm on top of the world.
Nothing can bring me down. I am happy. So fucking happy, for once. I felt no remorse or guilt about the months of work I'd put into getting clean- not even the flash of Aria's face across my mind was enough for me to put a stop to this.
This is who I am. It's who I've always been, albeit it took me a few years to get here. Love was never in the cards for me. This is what makes me truly happy. Drugs. Fucking love them.
"You got more?" I nudged into the guy that slapped the first packet in front of me, but he barely even gives a glance in my direction.
"You got the money to pay for it?" The big fella asked.
"Not today, but I can get it to you." I shrugged, fidgeting slightly. Fuck, one hit is never enough. I need more. I crave more. "Trust me, I can."
"Don't know ya to be trusting ya." The guy shrugs, and I can feel myself getting more and more agitated. He has to give me something, at least. He's the one that fed the beast, so now he must keep feeding.
"Fuck, man. Please. I can get the money-"
"Hey." The man stands up to his full height, towering over me. He glares down, a stern scowl on his lips. "I think you should head home, pal."
"I think I'm fine exactly where I am." I crossed my arms over my chest. Plus, going home means facing Aria, and I'm not sure I can do that.
"Yeah?" He drops a heavy hand onto my shoulder. "You're fucked up. Anyone can see that just by looking at you." There's a hint of sympathy in his voice, but it doesn't sound all that genuine. "Get some rest, mate. You're not going anywhere and neither is this pub. It'll still be here tomorrow." This guy had a strong accent. I was too high to figure out where exactly he was from, but it had to be a city. He looked and sounded like a city man.
My nostrils flared because the realisation that I'm not getting anymore Molly out of him hits me like a ton of bricks in the face. "Fuck." I groaned, pushing his hand off me and stumbling away. Wasn't sure how I'm going to make it home tonight.
Fuck, Aria must be so worried. I tried to care a little bit more than I did, but it's like my body had shut down. I needed to crash somewhere but I don't think I have enough co-ordination to function at my best.
I remember a few years ago I'd always look down on the people who'd get blackout drunk at night, stumbling down the streets and bothering people. I never imagined that I would end up being that person. The one holding onto walls for balance, the one accidentally bumping into people on the streets. The shame of it all, the embarrassment sunk its claws into me- seeped into my blood.
