Falling Again ✔️

Epilogue

5 years later

"Jackie!" I yell to my daughter, before I spot her dark, curly hair at the top of her stairs. "Dinner time, honey."

"Yay!" She squeals, thundering down the stairs on her little legs. I pick her up, spinning her around in my arms. She laughs, wrapping her chubby arms around my neck. I kiss her cheek multiple times before slowly placing her back on the ground. "What are we eating?"

"It's your favourite."

"Hah!" She gasps, dramatically slapping her hand over her mouth. "Pasta!"

"Yep." I tell her, ruffling her hair. "It was your daddy's favourite, too." I say, glancing at the picture of Jacob that sat on the fireplace. I still think about him every second of the day.

"Daddy liked pasta? Really?" Jackie says, jumping up and down with glee.

"He loved it." There's a silence before I speak again. "Go on, sit on the dinner table and I'll bring you your plate." Walking into the kitchen, I quickly wipe away the tears that had formed under my eyes and open the cupboard to pull out a plate for Jackie. I pause my actions when I see that the chocolate I had hidden in there was gone. And since Jackie is the only other person living in this house...

"Jacqueline Bailey-Rickson!" I scold, walking back into the dining room. "Did you eat the chocolate from the cupboard?"

Her cheeks redden and she slowly nods her head. "I'm sorry, mummy. I was hungry."

"If you were hungry, you should have told me. I would have made a snack for you."

"I'm sorry."

I sigh, shaking my head slightly. "It's okay, honey. Next time, just tell me you want to eat a chocolate."

I turn and walk back to the kitchen, adding a dollop of pasta into her plate. I put in an extra portion for myself, and, grabbing two forks, make my way back to the dining table. I pull out the chair next to Jackie's and sit down, placing the plate in between us on the table.

Jackie jumps up and down with glee, clapping her hand together. "Yay! You make the best pasta, mummy." She smiles, grabbing the fork and taking a small bite.

"This is your dada's recipe." I tell her, moving her hair out if we face. "He always made the best pasta."

Jackie's face lights up, but she doesn't speak with her mouth full of food. Once she's swallowed it, she asks, "Can we visit daddy today, mama?"

My eyes waver. I try to smile at my daughter, but even that is difficult. "Of course we can, Jackie." Her eyes soften. "I'm sure he'd love to hear from us."

"I love visiting daddy. I can't wait to tell him about my new friends at school." Jackie recently joined Infant's School, and I love how many friends she has already made. That's something I wish I did at her age.

"Okay, sweetie." I say, eating a bit of the pasta. "But, first you have to finish your food off."

***

Jackie is in my arms, and were walking through the cemetery to visit Jacob. Her head rests on my shoulder and her short arms are around my neck. The cemetery has always scared her. She says that the quietness creeps her out.

However, when we get to Jacob's grave, her attention perks. I put her down and lean next to his grave, tracing my hand over his name. Jackie sits down crossing her legs.

"I have a new friend, daddy!" She says, a wide smile on her face. Her eyes are deep and full of joy as she talks and I can't help but envy the life we could have had if Jacob hadn't died.

I lean against Jacob's headstone and listen as Jackie tells her father about the past few days if her life. A tear slips down my cheek, and I don't wipe it away.

Some days, I feel everything all at once. Other days, I feel nothing at all. I don't know what's worse. Drowning beneath the waves, or dying from the memories. You'd never think the last time you see someone is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever with that person, but you don't. Suddenly, they're gone and you wonder how you ever lived your life without them.

That how losing Jacob felt to me. Even now, five years later, I'd do anything to change the outcome of his life. I'd do anything for Jackie to have a father.

Looking up at the night sky, I smile at the scattered stars and the distinct darkness needed to see them. I like to lose myself in the darkness. The sky looks different when you've got someone you love up there.

"We ate the pasta you make, daddy." Jackie says. "Just before we came to visit you."

I smile at our beautiful daughter. I lean forward and take her hand into mine, squeezing slightly. Jackie looks at me and smiles, just as her eyes fill with tears. I nod at her, silently telling her that it's okay to cry.

"I miss you, daddy. I didn't ever meet you, but I miss you. And I know mummy misses you too. Whenever she talks about you, I know she misses you. Sometimes, she sits and just stares at your pictures for hours. Then, she'll get up and light a candle and cook." I didn't realise how attentive Jackie was when I mourn Jacob's death. "I want you to come back and make mummy happy, again." She says, and I feel the tears fall faster.

"Jackie..."

"Please, daddy." She whispers. "I don't like it when she's sad. You don't like it when she's crying, do you, daddy?" She sniffles, using her spare hand to wipe her tears away. "Please come back. We need you, daddy. Mummy needs you."