My lips touch his again and it's a lot more rough. I know we both need this, we both crave the others touch. It's intoxicating. He pushes the straps of my dress down to my hips and he reaches out and palms my breasts in both his hands.
A small moan...
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Jacob was doing so well with his sobriety. I felt sick to my stomach at the events of last night, but I could not show it. He needed me to be strong for him, and I will be. Especially because he's so vulnerable and so weak and so mentally broken.
I laid beside him in our bed as the morning light sneaks in through the closed blinds, softly stroking his hair. He was knocked out cold, just as he was when we got home and he'd collapsed onto the bed in a heap. He'd fallen asleep instantly.
I single tear slips down my cheek as I scan his peaceful face, the softness of his skin, the frown creases around his mouth. I felt guilty for being part of the reason Jacob is like this. I felt worthless because all I wanted to do was help him, and I couldn't. I'd known that he was struggling, that he was weak, but I thought I could love him enough. That I could affirm him into being okay, but that's not how it works. I know that's now how it works.
Jacob stirs a little, his brows furrowing as he shuffles closer to me, his arm going around my waist loosely. I snuggle into him, resting my cheek on top of his head carefully. He held me and I stayed in his embrace, enjoying the safety in his arms. The intimacy, the vulnerability.
"Aria." He murmurs, his breath damming across my collarbone. I held him tighter, running my fingers lightly through his hair.
"Hmm?" I pressed a soft kiss to his head.
"You'll be alright, yeah?"
"What do you mean?" I chuckled, licking my lips almost nervously.
Jacob sighs shakily before he sits up, leaning on his hand as he blinks across at me. His eyes are soft and brown and a small frown etched into his face.
I felt like crying for him. My chest hurts.
"If I leave." Jacob says quietly, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You went two years without me, Aria. You can do some more."
I shake my head lightly. "What are you even talking about, Jacob?" I take his shaking hand into mine. "You're not going anywhere. I won't let you."
"It's not really up to you." He licks his lips, his gaze scanning my face. "If I leave, Aria, will you be okay?"
A soft scoff leaves my throat. "No, Jacob! Of course I won't be fucking okay." I watch as he peels himself off the bed and stands up, his hands on his hips as he paces back and forth. "Why are you even thinking about leaving? What is that going to achieve?"
He looks back at me, his nostrils flaring. "I can't keep doing this to you." He sighs.
"So stop."
"It's not that fucking simple, is it? I'm not getting better, Aria." Jacob turns fully towards me, tears pricking in his eyes and a devastated expression on his face. "And I refuse- I refuse to drag you down with me."
