Unconditional Oceans (MegYoncé)

30

Megan

"Damn, did I charge my laptop?" I ask myself aloud as I stir Mason's oatmeal, adding in a little honey.

"You didn't. But I did." Bey chuckles from her seat at the table.

"Thank you, baby." I sigh. "Today is that lecture in Professor Smith's class."

I hand him the bowl and he immediately digs in.

"I remember. 1:30, right?" She questions catching Jojo's tiny hand before it can smear oatmeal all over Bey's face.

"Yep. I'll probably head out right after lunch. That way I can get to campus, sit through the lecture, and be back before traffic gets bad."

The spoon slips from Mason's hand.

I hear it clatter before I even look.

But when I do look, my stomach tightens.

He looks worried.

Shoulders tight, eyes locked on the table, brows furrowed.

"What's wrong, Mace?" I ask softly.

He doesn't answer.

Instead, he slides out of the chair and wraps his arms around my leg, cheek pressed into my thigh.

His fingers dig into the fabric of my shorts, holding on tight.

I stoop to his height and he wraps himself around my neck.

His little chest rises quick against me, shallow breaths.

Months ago he wouldn't have asked for comfort.

Now he's clinging.

It feels good to know I'm his safety.

But this feels different.

Like he's trying to glue me in place.

Across the counter, Bey catches my eyes.

She's used to meltdowns.

She sees it all the time with the toddlers in her dance class.

But this is our son's first tantrum.

And I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

She gives me the smallest nod.

Enough to let me know she's there if I need her.

I appreciate it more than I could ever express, but I want to try to fix this myself.

I want to learn how to be not just a mom but Mason's mom.

"Baby, you gotta help me out. Why are you so upset?" I ask him.

Of course he doesn't explain.

He probably can't.