Savior ↠ Nash G.

IT'S EVERYWHERE ~ 8/14/14

I woke up in a pool of sweat, and I scoffed. I stood up, and walked towards my fan, and plugged it into my outlet near my bed. It started to make it cool in my room, and I grabbed my shampoo, conditioner, towel, and razor. I opened my bedroom door a peak, and looked out into the hallway that was empty. I sighed happily, and walked into the hallway towards the bathroom.

I passed maybe at least 20 copies of my journal pages on the wall, but ignored it since no one was awake yet to bother me. I went into the bathroom, and locked the door behind me. I let the bath fill up with cold water while I took off my sweat filled clothes. Once it was full enough I stepped in having the cold rush hit my body, and I shrieked lightly. I soon got used to it, and went inside the bath fully. I sighed happily, and put shampoo in my hair rubbing it all around, and then I washed it out, and repeated that with my conditioner. I stared at my razor that was in both of my hands, and moved it around. Almost like I was examining it.

I continued to stare at it, but I just decided to just shave my legs. I almost ruined being two months clean. When I was done doing all the shaving, I stepped out of the bath wrapping the towel around my wet body. I pulled out the drain so the water could go down, and I grabbed my dirty clothes, and checked to see if the halls were empty, and once again. They were. I walked quickly through the hall, and went into my bedroom.

I sighed happily with my back still on the door, and my hand on the door knob. I checked the time on my phone, and it was 7:45 a.m. I furrowed my eyebrows because everyone was usually awake, and running around the place. I changed into some comfortable clothes, and went on Twitter on my phone to make time fly by. I heard a bell ringing, and I widened my eyes.

Now my day starts. I texted my internet friends to wish me luck, and they did. Some of them told me if someone were to get in my way, I should just punch a bitch. I laughed lightly reading their messages, and heard the bell ring once again telling me to hurry the hell up. If the bell ever rang twice, it was for me.

I walked down the long flight of stairs to see all the kids eating, and socializing, but once I stepped foot in the dining hall all eyes were on me. I gulped down, and walked slowly towards the kitchen. Once I was in the kitchen everyone engaged back into their conversations. I grabbed my breakfast which was just eggs, and sausages. I sat down alone in the back. I ate very slowly, and I knew some people were staring at me eating, but I ignored them. They always stared at me when I ate, it was always such a shock when I did.

I was done trying to feed myself and as I was walking towards the garbage can, stuff began to get thrown at me. I put my head down, but stuff continued to get thrown at me. Some remarks from my journal were being played out, or yelled out at me. I started to tear up when someone began repeating my words about, Nash. I fucking hate Erin.

I threw my food away, and began to count my fingers. I walked out of the dining hall, and turned to start walking up the fleet of stairs.

"Hey babe!" I hear Eric yell, and he came up to me and kissed me on the cheek.

"We aren't dating." I said bluntly hoping he would finally get it. I was starting to like him again, but liking him again would destroy me. It always destroyed me, but even if he cheated or made fun of me there will always be a special place for him in my heart. And that fucking hurts me. Why him? Why is it always him?

Oh, Eric. I remember when we first met. We were both thirteen, and he was new to the home along with his sister, being because his parents had just died, and me being all nice I went to comfort him. We dated, then he cheated, we dated again, and that was when I began to be "depressed" or "insecure." He told everyone that I wasn't eating, and that's when all the bullying started. I was around fourteen. It was always on and off, and then one day I had it with all of his games. I know I was dumb to keep going after him, but even though he kept hurting me, when we were dating he'd make me feel special.