Savior ↠ Nash G.

SUICIDE DOESN'T KILL PEOPLE,

I finished writing my last journal entry explaining to Nash that I'm setting him free. I closed my journal, and finally let the tears flow. I didn't want to risk soaking up the paper so I've been holding them in since I wrote the very first word. I stopped crying and re-applied the mascara Miss. Barbara gave me for this "party." It really was a party for the foster parents. They usually come on holidays, and see who they can adopt. I never get adopted, who wants a teenager nowadays?

I examined myself in the long length mirror. I pinched at my cheeks creating a pink illusion in them. I sucked in my stomach and turned around in the mirror still staring of what could've been, now I'm going to die a fat person. A person too ugly to show their face in school or in my own home. I walked out of my room still holding my fat in, and stood in front of my doorway. I haven't left my room during the day, only to use the bathroom. I walked down the corridors, and saw Erin's room door wide open, and I stepped in.

I faced the girl who had been through it with me for a while now.

"It's time" I said to her as she did last minute touches on her make up, she nodded, and walked ahead of me blocking me from the boys who were walking around the hallways. If she didn't they'd pick on me about something, anything.

I thanked her when they cleared and she nodded. She walked out, and Miss. Barbara engulfed her into a hug leaving me awkwardly standing there playing with my hands. Whenever I felt like crying or cutting myself my therapist says to count my fingers. Miss. Barbara hated me, and she always made me feel bad for everything I do. Anytime I see her she just ignores me, and it makes me think I am not good enough. No one understood why I was always counting them, but Erin and Eric did. Miss. Barbara pushed me away from them, and asked Eric to take a picture of them together. He gave me a smile, and I scoffed.

I walked away from them leaving Erin confused, but still smiling for their picture. I walked out onto the big part of the home that overlooked the big entrance of the home. I half smiled to myself remembering faint memories of when I was happy living here, and not the sad person I am now. I didn't realize I was crying until Eric came up behind me putting his arm around me, and slid his thumb against my cheek making some tears go away. I rubbed the tears away from my face, and mumbled "leave me alone, please." and he shook his head no. I only sighed and walked away from him.

I walked down the hallways, and I found myself not knowing where I was. I never really explored the home. Only when I was seven, and now that I'm older I stay in my room. I turned around a corner, and walked right into a room. I felt my butt being grabbed, and squeezed and I yelped turning around quick.

"Why don't we just do it?" Eric says smirking and I scoff walking away. And I heard him whine, and I laughed slightly. I tried to focus on anything else, and I remembered Thomas, I think is his name. He is a new boy in the home that reminds me of Nash. I turned around a corner, and bumped into Miss. Barbara

"Sorry." I said holding my head down.

"Hold out your hands," I did what she had said, and started to tear up. She smacked them with her belt she had on her waist, and walked away proud of the pain she gives me.

She calls me a disgrace to the home, and I believe her. She hits me for no reason, the littlest things make her want to: not eating, my room not being clean, wearing long sleeves all the time. Anything. I walked into what I thought was a bathroom but it was the closet where they kept cleaning supplies. I walked out of there quickly with boys surrounding me, I held my head down trying to escape their hold that they now had me in.

"Will you eat tonight?" One of them asked me, and I fought the tears that were wanting to be released but I didn't let them out. I shook my head no and they all started laughing. I started to cry, and that's when they all let go of me and ran off to someplace else. I thought it was because I was ugly, I started to cry some more, and I stumbled finally into a bathroom. There were some girls already in the bathroom so I earned some nasty looks, but I shook it off.

"Oh darling, what happened?" Said a girl emerging from a stall looking like a goddess. I didn't answer her because I didn't know she was talking to me. I looked up at her and she was examining me from top to bottom.

"Who me?" I asked putting my head down looking in the sink once she looked me in the eyes.

"Yes honey, you. And may I say you've got the worlds most mysterious eyes." She washed her hands quickly.

Oh they're not mysterious, they're broken.

"Thank you. Oh and nothing just a little tired that's all." I wiped away all the running mascara and quickly walked out of the bathroom. I didn't want to talk to her some more she'd just hurt me if she earned some of my trust. I only needed, Erin, and I know she once hurt me so much, but she definitely has changed for the good.

I heard a bell ringing, and all the kids went running in the same direction. Guess food is ready. I gagged a little remembering if I ate I'd be the same fat cow I was two years ago. We all sat down, and I sat further away from everybody else; I wondered where Erin was. Soon the dinner was all over and while everyone was singing I snuck off into my room.

I showered quickly in very cold water, towel dried my dripping wet hair, and put on some short sleeves, and shorts. It didn't matter what I wore since tonight was my last ever night in this dreadful place. I pulled out my pills that I've been collecting. And put them all sorted out across my desk. I glanced at my journal, and decided to write some more.

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[Words: 1119]