zero

one

"on a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to kill everyone in the room?"

seven.

-

breakfast with my family is always stressful, which is usually why i wait for my siblings to go to school before i emerge for my small bowl of cereal that i'll barely touch.

today, for some reason, my mother insisted i eat with them. my dad had already gone to work, which i was thankful for- i hated seeing his pitiful, disappointed eyes. when i do eat with my family, i try to avoid conversation and eye contact at all costs. that is one of the worst things i can go through.

"tyler? you haven't touched your breakfast," my mom comments from behind the kitchen counter where she was making more food for some other meal.

i hate her sometimes.

i just shrug, continuing to stare down at my bowl of soggy lucky charms. i didn't have an eating disorder or anything, which my mother occasionally brought up that she felt was incorrect on my doctors decision making, i just didn't particularly like eating.

that's when my brother, zack, decides to nudge me with his elbow. fuck.

please don't make me be social. i can't handle it.

"you okay, ty? i haven't seen you eat more than a piece of toast in weeks," he says.

i can literally feel my body overreacting, shutting down, aborting the mission.

i manage to stutter out, "i'm fine," although it was probably barely audible.

zack apparently wants to see me break down. "you can talk to us, yknow. we're a family."

"i can't talk about this," i practically spit out.

my mom frowns. "tyler," she says in a warning tone.

sevensevenseven

before anything else can go wrong, i get up and leave the table, retreating back into the safety of my room.

-

dr. hollis' office is one of the only places i'm allowed to go by myself. sometimes he'll ask my mom to come in but it's usually just to talk about medication.

medication doesn't even work on me. i'm actually crazy.

"tyler, have a seat," he instructs, as always and i sit back in the big cushioned chair, putting my feet on his coffee table that he uses to play kids games on. he looks up from his clipboard at me, unamused but not surprised since i always do this. "i got an email from your mother earlier saying that you had an issue this morning. would you like to explain?"

i roll my eyes. "she knows that being around my siblings freaks me out. they don't understand, they judge, and they ask too many questions for me to process."

"she said that you were just asked if you were okay when it started."

"too complex of a question with a simple answer my brother already knows."

he smiles a bit. "understood. so your brain didn't respond well to this?" i shake my head. "what number were you at?"

"seven," i tell him. he writes it down.

"what are you at right now?"

"about a five. kind of pissed at myself."

"for your issue earlier?" he asks.

"yeah, pretty much."

he nods. "alright. is that all?"

"can i go home now?" i ask, making him chuckle softly.

"you may go, tyler. i'll see you thursday."

sighing, i get up and leave the room, returning to the waiting room where my mother is reading a magazine. i cough to get her attention and she looks up, placing the magazine back on the table. "all done?" she asks.

shes still disgustingly worried and i hate it.

i nod and we leave, finally allowing me to go back home and sleep through the rest of the day and avoid everyone.

people are the worst.

~

kind of wish this was longer but hopefully the other chapters will be. sorry it took so long.
-g