zero

four

on a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to kill everyone in the room?

five.
-

the room was entirely quiet except for the sound of the water bubbler and the tapping of pen to a clipboard. dr. hollis sighs, taking his glasses off and rubbing his temples. "you're going to be the death of me, mr. joseph," he says.

"better you than me, right?" i ask jokingly. he gives me a disapproving glance and i cross my arms over my chest. "that's your job isn't it? to keep me from killing myself?"

he puts his clipboard on his desk and moves his chair closer to the couch. "no, tyler. my job is to try and help you live the best life you can. and i can't do that if you don't talk to me."

i blink a few times. "maybe i'm tired of talking about my problems."

"then don't talk about your problems. just talk about anything."

"i met a boy," i say before i realize i'm even talking. "i snuck out the other day into the woods. he was there. his name is josh. he's pretentious as hell, but it's kind of funny."

"did you tell your mother about this?" dr. hollis asks. i groan.

"no. she'll flip out that i went out alone and could've gotten killed."

"but you didn't," he points out.

"you're telling me."

dr. hollis smiles. "i think you should tell your mom about him. maybe invite him over for dinner next time you see him."

"i don't know if i'll ever see him again," i admit.

"well, i hope you do."

-

it's almost one am when i sneak out. i heard my dad go to bed about an hour ago, so he should be asleep, meaning i'm safe. i climb out the window and head back into the woods with a flashlight.

i'm not expecting josh to be there. that'd be stupid. it's one in the morning. but there's a little voice in the back of my head that tells me he might be there, and that thought has my stomach feeling a little jumpy.

sitting down on a log, i take in my surroundings. i'm close enough to the edge of the forest to see the lights from the houses. the world seems calm at this hour.

"well, well, well, what do we have here?" josh's voice asks, startling me. i turn around to see him leaning on a tree, a smirk on his face. he looks like he just climbed out of bed, much like me.

"you're here," i say, in shock. "it's one in goddamn morning."

josh raises an eyebrow. "it is, so what are you doing here?"

"i-i came to see you."

"so you came to see me yet you act like you're upset that i'm here."

"i'm not!" i exclaim, a little too loudly. "i'm not."

josh walks over to me, only the log between us. "you really missed me that much?" he asks with an accusatory grin.

"don't get cocky," i warn, rolling my eyes. "what are you doing here, though?"

he shrugs. "got tired of my parents fighting. they think i can't hear them but the walls aren't as thick as they think," he explains, sitting down on the log. i sit next to him.

"i'm sorry," i tell him.

"don't be. i'm used to it. eighteen years of it, it'd be strange if they didn't fight."

"it still sucks."

"yeah," he says absentmindedly, staring off into space, "it does." he takes a breath, looking back at me. "what's up with you, though?"

"well," i mumble, considering to tell him about my therapist, but unsure if it would push him away. why would he want to talk to the crazy kid? "my mom's been a bit suffocating lately. it's easier to breath out here."

josh nods in agreement. "y'know, tyler, if this is gonna become a regular thing, we should probably get to know each other a little better."

"a regular thing?"

"like, we can agree to meet here twice a week to just talk and get things off our chest. i think we could both use it," he explains.

"oh," i breathe.

"for example, my name is josh dun. i'm the oldest of four kids and my only interests are painting and video games. my favorite food is a strawberry milkshake."

"why does any of that matter? it sounds more like a dating profile than the beginning of a friendship," i scoff.

"fine, be a stranger then," josh snaps, rolling his eyes. i watch him for a moment before sighing.

"my name is tyler joseph and i know how to play piano, although i haven't in a while. i like breakfast foods and sometimes i watch high school indie films on youtube for entertainment. i don't know how to drive and i would love to go to seoul when i'm older."

as long as i don't mention the part about how i'm practically certifiable, i'll be fine. i can have a friend.

josh smiles as me and holds out his hand. "nice to formally meet you, tyler joseph."

i take his hand and shake it. "the pleasure is all mine, josh dun."