zero

prologue

"on a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to kill everyone in the room?"

this was a question from my therapist. he told me ask myself this several times a day, to help me focus. he knows me pretty well, i think. well enough to know that i'm not violent and would never actually kill anyone. sometimes i just wish i could.

usually, my answer is six. if i'm in a crowded room being suffocated by people, it reaches an eight. if i'm sitting at home watching tv with my brother, it's a three.

even if i'm the only one in the room, it's at least a five.

luckily, my parents pulled me out of public schools. for seven hours straight i'd be at a solid eight, unable to do anything expected of me.

so i spend most of my time at home with my piano or at the hospital.

my mom never let's me leave the house alone, too scared i might hurt myself. she doesn't know me as well as my therapist, obviously.

but this is my life, trapped in a cycle of sleep and therapy, everything controlled by a set of numbers.

trust me, it's a terrifying way to live.

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hey, so this is a joshler story that i'm really excited about doing. i hope that you guys like it.