always, a j2 fic

four

I knocked on Jared's apartment door.
I had a pizza and a six pack of his favorite IPA behind me.

He opened the door wearing a loose grey shirt and black sweatpants. He frowned at me.

"I come bearing gifts.." I pulled the pizza in front of me. "..and a sappy apology."

"I'll take the pizza and the six pack. And I'll sub the apology for cuddles. Come in."
He said. Still no smile.

I came in and set the food on the table. I took a seat on the futon with Jared beside me. I opened a beer for him, and one for myself. I passed a slice of pizza to Jared. Nothing was said. Breaking Bad was playing on Netflix.

"This is a good episode."
Jared payed me no mind and just shifted in his seat.

His hand was idling on his thigh with pizza grease on it. I kept looking down at it. I don't know whats holding me back..just grab his hand stupid.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and grabbed his hand. He looked up at me and then down at our hands then back up at the tv squeezing my hand some. I smiled and squeezed his back.

Walter made a joke on tv and I laughed. Jared smiled but didn't laugh. He didn't show much emotion at all.

I hated seeing him like this. In this moment I want nothing more than to see him smile, just to give him the fucking world really. I squeezed his hand. He squeezed mine back, hesitantly. I still smiled..like a fool.

This boy means a lot to me and the fact that he's confused and his heart is thrown around a lot pains me. It's out of my control and I hate it. I want to show him love. I want him to stop worrying about these girls and getting so upset over them.

I want him to realize that I'm here and I love him too.

"Hey, uh, I'm sorry..about earlier..."
I said swallowing my fears.

"I asked you to leave the apologies at the door." He said in a low voice only looking at me for a second from the corner of his eyes.

He did say cuddles instead so I let go of his hand and put my arm around him pulling him closer.

He laid his head on my chest and looked up at me for the first time all night. His hazel eyes gazing up at me. I grinned looking at him. He crinkled his nose and set his attention back on the tv. I looked back up to the tv as well taking a sip of my beer. Jared grabbed another slice of pizza. We sat like this until the pizza was gone and there was only one beer left.

Jared turned his head to the side looking up at me. I looked down from the television to meet his curious eyes. He half smiled. A smile, finally. It's amazing what beer can do to this kid. He blinked slowly and looked like he could fall asleep at any moment. He pursed his lips and went cross-eyed. I laughed.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked with a smirk. He just looked up at me not saying anything, then made and angry face.

"Ok what is it now?" I asked playing his game.

"You're too cute." he said. I bit the inside of my cheek.

He looked comfy laying there just gazing up at me. He made me feel dominant. Which is usually the case even though he's taller. Jared is a very attractive and good looking guy.
Just the fact that he's in like with me is shocking. He's out of my league. Not to mention he can do a lot better than the dude who plays his on screen brother.

But yet here he lies in my lap, staring me down. Liquor lingered on his quivering lips. He had pizza sauce on the corner of his mouth.

"You've got a little.." I said wiping the side of my own mouth so he would mirror me. He wiped his mouth but the sauce was still there.

I shook my head and he wiped his mouth again. A little still remained.

I swallowed whatever 'no homo' I had left in me and licked my finger and swiped it across Jared's mouth. He bit the side of his lip and turned his face away from me.

I brushed a hand on his chin and turned his head back towards me. He looked up at me longingly still nibbling on his lip. Eye contact was hard to keep though his eyes were still fixed on me. I dared to keep looking at him for more than a second.

I swear in that moment I blushed. I don't know what it was, but Jared was making me...nervous. Like I was 13 again with fucking butterflies. I hadn't felt this way in a long while.

I looked down at Jared's lips that were just a second ago lightly pursed, but we're now spread some, with a light whistle sounding through from his breathing. I took a deep breath.
'Make his day Jen,'

I thought to myself before leaning down and lightly kissing Jared. He leaned up some and took my face on his, reaching up with one hand to lightly stroke my neck.

I pulled away realizing what I was doing, and then I was met with those puppy dog eyes, but this time it was like a fire ignited in them. He looked at me stone cold showing only the slightest bit of lonesomeness. I blinked and then pressed my lips softly on his again. I took my time and was so very gentle as if the slightest roughness would kill this boy. I held it there for a moment then pulled away slightly and watched his green eyes flutter open. I sat back and glared at this gorgeous boy in front of me. I've always had this gut feeling towards him. And I guess now I'm starting to accept it.