always, a j2 fic

five

He finally fucking kissed me. And he meant it. He kissed me and he was so damn gentle. He pulled back and I just looked up at him, I could see a fire in his eyes.

Jensen means everything to me. I always knew he felt something but pushed it out, because it was wrong, or because we were friends..
Whatever but maybe I'm cracking his shell. Maybe I'm breaking down his walls. Maybe he's finally letting me in.

And if he is oh God I'll be so careful. I won't mess up. I'll give him my world, as if he isn't already it. It's always been something with him. No matter my girlfriends or how mad he makes me. I always come back to him.

He's home to me.

And I can only pray he feels the same. I've only been in two other relationships with a guy and they were ages ago. I don't talk about them much and Jen doesn't even know. He might have some ideas or something but.. I don't know.

I'm just really fucking happy right now.

--

Sunlight kissed my face from the kitchen window and I woke slowly taking note of my surroundings. There were beer bottles and pizza crust scattered about the coffee table. I was covered in a blanket with a pillow set up under my head.

On my stomach was a note that said 'J' on it. I reached a hand out from under the blanket at lightly picked up the note. I opened it and it read as follows

'sorry for skipping out on the party. You dozed off at 1 and I napped with you then left around 7. I'm out on errands today. Call if you need me. Always remember that.'

I smiled pondering over that last sentence. I loved the way he wrote always. Maybe it's the capital A or the curvy Y , or perhaps his little scratch of an S at the end.

I set the note on the table and looked to see it was 10:36 in the bright and shining Vancouver morning. I groaned and stretched sitting up and letting out a faint yawn. I skimmed over the mess cluttering the floor and table. I sighed and started picking up the mess we made.

--

I pulled into the parking garage

I had done it.. I kissed him. Not in some stupid club either. All day, groceries and meetings and appointments and all I could think of is how he smells, the softness of his lips, his eyes as they gleamed up at me.

I grabbed my bags and silently decided to leave my thoughts in the car.

I came home to an empty apartment, unloaded my crap and sat down at the table to look at my scripts.

I remember the last girlfriend I had, she'd walk in and her heels would click on the wood. She'd come over, peck my cheek then go on about her business. That was all she needed. It was simple.

Jare and I, we're..complicated. We'll never be simple. But I don't think I mind it, I'd love to spend the rest of my days figuring him out little by little, learning all his favorite things, what he thinks about politics, if he believes in aliens, anything and everything.

My phone buzzed, it was a text from Jared
"I'm lost."

Well that's.. Odd?
I texted him back

"Jared where are you?" I sat down on the bed and two anxious minutes later he texted back.

"dunno"

I dialed his number.

It rang for a moment before he picked up.

"Hellllooooo?"
He said, he sounded drunk.

"Jare? Are you drunk?"

He hummed in response.

"Where are you? Jared say something."

"Summmmmthingg"

"Dammit where are you? Are you safe?"

I said in a more serious tone.

"I'm-I'm good dude. Go back to whatever you were doing, don't mind meee"

I scoffed.

"Jared don't do this, where are you?"

He sniffled like he was crying. I'm scared for him he usually doesn't get shit faced especially this bad.

"I don't know exactly where I'm at but I don't care and I'm not sure you don't either right now so I'm gonna gooo! Go have fun. You're no fun and I don't think you know that so I wanted to tell you so you would know. Be more fun."

The line went out.

"Dammit!" I yelled.

I grabbed my keys and left.