Demons (phan)

Chapter 11

(Dan's POV)

I have to say, these last two weeks of living with Phil have been perfect. We found a house a few days after we ran away, and he easily paid for it. My life has changed so much in these past weeks, I can barely believe it. For example, a few months ago I would have never pictured myself in the E.R., sitting next to a hospital bed, where the man I'm in love with is gasping for air.

A few hours ago, Phil and I were about to go for a small walk. As soon as we stepped out of the door, he collapsed. I started screaming and crying, and I tried to help him up. I called an ambulance and they almost didn't let me ride with him, but after some thought, they did. They rushed him into a room, shutting the door behind them, leaving me out in the bright lights of the hallway. They finally let me in, but as soon as they left, Phil started choking. I'm not sure on what, but he can't breathe.

I press the emergency button by his hand and scream for help, and they finally arrive and push me out.

I sit down by the door and curl up into a ball, crying. What if that was the last time I'll ever see him alive?

I start hyperventilating and tears blur my vision. My body shakes, and even though I'm breathing quickly, it feels as if I can't breathe at all. I hear Phil's heart monitor beep faster and faster, and then it goes back to normal. I try to focus on the bleeping, and not on my heart- that feels as if it's going to jump out of my chest.

A doctor and some nurses leave the room, but a few stay in there. I carefully collect myself and get up, before going into his room once again. I sit in a chair by the white bed, watching his chest go up and down, up and down...

A doctor walks in and apologizes before wheeling him away, for x-rays, or something of that sort. I try to get up and get something to eat, but I feel like I'm stuck to the chair, like my body doesn't want to move. Maybe that's what Phil feels like.

I get up and grab some food to eat from the cafeteria, and talk to an old man sitting across from me. His daughter has a brain tumor, but he just got news that there's a chance of recovery. He's celebrating with hospital ice cream.

I glance around the room, and look at all the people's faces. Some are crying, some are smiling, some are staring at the wall, lost in thought. I feel almost absent to the world, like I'm not here. I'm somewhere else.

After an hour, I go back up to the waiting room, and watch the halls until I see Phil being rolled into his room. I quickly follow them and beg the doctor to tell me something, but he refuses.

"I have to look at the scans, sir, calm down."

"Then go fucking look at them! Tell me! Is he getting better? Is he getting worse?! Imagine being in my place, you twat!"

"I can try, but you'll have to wait a few hours. I dont usually do this, but he seems pretty important to you... you're brother?"

"My boyfriend. Go look at the scans now."

He raises an eyebrow and leaves, and I sit back down next to Phil.

I stroke his soft, pale cheek, and decide that maybe, Phil is still awake in that body, and maybe he can hear me.

"Phil? I- I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm going to talk anyways. I've been here- the hospital- for hours now. Waiting for you to wake back up. I hope you can- be-because, no- you'll wake up. You have to, damn it!" Tears start streaming down my face at the thought of Phil being gone, but I continue. "The doctor is looking at your scans, to see if you're getting better. I know you are, you seem to be feeling better. I haven't been hearing you being sick in the bathroom as often, and you dont complain about headaches. Or maybe you're getting used to the pain. God, I hope not- I wish I had this stupid cancer instead of you, Phil! You're so innocent and beautiful, you don't deserve half the shit you're going through!" I start to sob, and I hit the cold mattress he's laying on. "I wish that you could be back home with me, playing video games. I'm so angry at the world, Phil, because you never did anything to deserve this. But- we- you are g-going to get through th- this, okay?" I start shaking, and I feel my heart speed up, so I stop talking, and ball and cry into the colorless sheets. I whisper "I love you's," and I grab his hand so hard the veins pop up in my own, and there's a pink mark where my hand was on his. I hug him until the doctor walks in on me sobbing like a baby, snot and salty tears running down my face.

"The tissues are in the corner, sir," He points to a little white table next to a chair, while moving his clipboard to the other hand.

I grab one and sit back down, holding Phil's hand again.

"There's only one way to say this, so I'd like to be very open with you about it," He pauses, and looks at me, I nod.

"The cancer has somehow spread, to his lungs."

I feel my heart break into a million pieces, like he grabbed it out of my chest and stomped on it right in front of me. I fall off of the chair and look at the spinning world around me, feeling like I'm going to be sick. And I am. I throw up all around me, barely even able to move to my side so I don't choke. I hear the doctor calling someone, but I can't hear it. All I can hear is my loud, fast heartbeat, echoing through my ears. Everything is blurry- from my tears or plain shock and sadness, I can't tell. I feel two men grab me and carry me away- well, they try to. I scream at them and scratch them and bite one of their arms, trying to fall onto the floor and crawl back to Phil. But they get me down on one of the white, cold, mattresses and roll my shaking body down the halls, to my own room.