Paracosm

They never wanted to understand you from the start. Stop trying & walk away

I saw your saved pins about how you feel about me walking away and it's ironic. The things you feel. I made you feel worthless and I broke a promise? I said I would stay as long as God let me. I did just that. You would never hurt me the way I hurt you...I hurt you but you still tried to understand me?? When? When I was crying to you and your sister and got laughed at, because both of you couldn't understand why something you did made me feel upset?? I screamed and cried during that conversation AND EVEN IF it was hard for you, you sat there stone faced which made me feel like shit. Here's another way you're like my mother and him...you're so hurt that I walked away from you hurting me yet, you don't think you hurt me at all and you're not even trying to see the part you played in me leaving even though I DIDNT WANT TO. You gave me NO ACTUAL CHOICE in the matter. I'm not like you. I cannot choose to stay even though someone is hurting me ESPECIALLY if they aren't willing to work on themselves and just blame
Everything on "that's just the way I am" such a toxic mindset. I miss you and I love you, but I'm so mad at you. I sounded like that too btw. Sobbing like that. But do you even care? If this same thing happens and you question, "why is it always me" what is the consistent pattern with yourself? How are you genuinely treating people that causes them to end up going? I did my best to hold on and talk to you and have you understand me, it was all in vain. You were never really going to. You said also in your pins that you let me in...on such a surface level lol, but it felt deep to you. It always felt like you let me in just enough to keep me around, but not enough for me to know you. I know your family is close and that's great. Just because they are family, it's not always a good thing that they except EVERY part of you without telling you the things that hurt them. I can't fully blame you, if your mother is the way you've described, you learned from her. It just happens like that I guess. That's why you can't see a problem in any of your actions. Neither can your sister I guess. "That's just Mee mee." I've heard that before, when trying to have someone else take accountability "that's just Imani", "that's just the way your mom is" okay. So did each of y'all REALLY expect me to not love you enough to tell you how you were hurting me?? Y'all just wanted to stay the same forever and for me to stay in your lives while you just kept hurting me? No. Sorry. Villainize me if you need to. I should've never came back in the first place, that was my fault. It takes two, always. Share the blame or don't. Truly heal or don't. It's on you.