Through The Days (GxG) (Jori)

Prologue

I don't know how I got myself in this situation. When I think about how and why it started, I can't find a single answer. There's a part of me that maybe if I knew how it all began, maybe just maybe, I'd be able to avoid the pattern that led me to this moment.

Of course, it was nothing but a wishful thinking. I tried for weeks, even months to figure out everything, but no matter what I did, nothing seems to come to mind. It was pointless in the end and it brought me more questions to ponder on making my head hurt from overthinking.

I gave up trying to figure things out and slowly began to learn how to cope with it. I told myself numerous times to accept the outcome and stop denying it, hoping that it might bring me a sense of peace or acceptance and somehow it worked, but I know that there's a huge part of me that still wishes to know just when and where it began.

I know it's silly and I'm being stupid, that even if I knew the answers, what would have change then?

I'd still be stuck here, feeling hopeless all the time, I'd still rant and wallow in self-pity until I exhaust myself. I'd still be a downer which is sad because I'm not usually like this, I'm actually a cheerful person, or at least I used to be.

I can't remember the last time I felt at ease before it happened, and I've been in this situation for months now, and I still think about it like everything happened yesterday. It's as if I'm stuck in that particular moment where the universe stood still, and the state of shock that I felt that day was still buried somewhere deep inside my mind.

There's no easy way to explain it. I can't exactly define what the situation is. I think the closest thing I could compare it to is that, it felt like getting hit with a bus while crossing the same familiar street every day.

I was out there thinking that nothing would happen to me, and that it's almost impossible to get hit with anything even with a simple bike because I've been crossing that same familiar street for years that I knew it inside out, and yet, even the most impossible thing can happen, and the next thing I know, I'm lying in a hospital bed surrounded by the nothingness of white.

That's how sudden it is, that's what I feel, and I know it's hard to understand, but we're getting there even if my mind is nothing but a jumbled mess. I think the reason why I ended up in this situation is because it got me by surprise, and I didn't have enough time to process everything because it just did and I have to deal with it.

I could blame myself for not being careful, for being oblivious, for being naive, for not expecting the unexpected that's why I landed here, and it would have been easy for me if I could just accept these terms, but I couldn't, I couldn't swallow them because in the end, I always end up wondering if it was really my fault to begin with.

Is it really my fault for not noticing that I'm slowly beginning to fall in love so suddenly to the point of no return?

It's strange because looking back at it, the signs are always there but I chose ignore it. I kept thinking that something as small as this or as small as that was nothing out of the ordinary. What I didn't know at that time, was that I was already ignoring the red lights, even the yellow ones because at that point, the signs weren't clear. I was oblivious, too careless, carefree, and not at all doubtful, and then the next thing I know, I was carelessly crossing the street not knowing that the light was green... and then... that's how it got me.

I fell, and I fell hard.

My grandma once told me that love is deceitful, that it creates a specific trap designed to capture you entirely. It will feel natural, almost silent, and you wouldn't even think of it especially when you're always in the same vicinity with that person. You wouldn't have guess that something will develop overtime because it's always been there like some kind of routine. Seeing that person every day is normal, nothing out of the ordinary, until eventually your stare will linger longer and you'll begin to wonder why you're staring in the first place.