Promise?

Chapter 9

Throughout the ride, her thoughts consisted of Alan - about why he'd actually waited, where he was after she fell asleep and where did he go before she woke up. Did someone come to pick him up or did he simply walk away. Was she so difficult to deal with? It shouldn't matter, but it did.

" Are you okay? " Reece's question drew her out of her ever running train of thoughts.

" Yeah. Just thinking. " she smiled. " How have you been?" she asked.

"I've been good."

"And how's work?" she asked, afraid of the impending doom of an awkward silence.

"Work is okay. Nothing different."

The silence wasn't good. And today, it definitely wasn't comfortable for she was definitely both guilty and paranoid.
She was somewhat relieved when he stoped the car and got out to open the door for her. The place was nothing fancy, but a homey diner that the both of them loved.

After being seated and placing the orders, Chloe was still contemplating whether she should go on with what she had planned or no.
Reece must have felt that something was wrong because he immediately broke the silence voicing his thoughts " Is everything okay?"

" Umm.. As I told you earlier, there's something I wanted to talk about." she said, a little unsure.

" Go on. I'm listening." he said.
It was such a dull reply Chloe thought, but then maybe he didn't know what to say. Feeling really stupid for analysing a statement that wasn't even important, she smacked herself mentally and decided to speak without any further ado.

" Do you remember when we met and I used to be distant with everybody? Not saying much - "

" Brooding." he helped.

" Ahh.. Yes. Brooding. And you'd always wanted to know why I was like that."

" Are you finally going to tell me what it was?" He asked a little between curious and excited.

It was a good start but Chloe wasn't so sure if things would be the same after she'd tell him.

" In a way, yes. Please dont interrupt me till I complete what I'm going to say." she said, getting a little irritated when he was going to say something again. She never liked it when someone interrupted her. Especially at times like those, when saying it itself was a big deal.

She was like that. Believed in Love, saw those movies and read the romance novels religiously, but when it came to admitting something even remotely related to it, she was no good. Because according to her, it was a moment of weakness. To tell someone something so intimate, to even consider giving them a chance to break you, which they definitely do eventually, for its inevitable.
We all move towards our own destruction. And in some twisted way, love was a part of it, she'd think.

It then never made sense for her to watch or read something remotely related to her percepted moment of weakness. No one would understand her Hate-Love relationship with the idea of Love.

Maybe it was for a fact that those books completed the void of 'Love' in her life. Or maybe she thought that after reading a million of those stories, she might be a little less afraid of it. Or maybe the sheer availability of Hope in Love was enough to get her adrenaline pumping and eyes watering. Because, maybe, reading was her Only chance at Love.

It never made sense. Not for her. Of how she could believe so much in something and yet not believe in it. The end of this inner battle always ended with one answer - that she loved it for the sole reason that Alan might come back and rescue her from her own demons; and she hated it because maybe he'll never come back and that maybe she'll never love anyone else again.

Hope makes you happy for the delusional future that you paint, but sometimes, add a little practicality, a little fear; and all hope crumbles.
Its a wonder how something as strong as hope can crumble so easily.
But then, everything's a wonder. All of it. So predictably unpredictable.

So inspite of all her inhibitions, she was finally going to accept it. Today, her love would get real. For someone else, other than her, would know about it.

And as happy as it made her, it chilled her bones too. But today, in no way, would she back down.

" So you know, sometimes; or rather - at a point of time - people find this person who is the best. Like not 'the best' actually, but for them. You know - the person with whom you can talk to all day, or fight a lot but always laugh even when you're angry, the one who understands you and just knows it when something's wrong with you and you think you're the luckiest person, and you're just happy, despite all the circumstances because you have them, and your heart is forever fluttering because you think about that person the entire day, and everything reminds you of that person.. and.. Oh God! I'm rambling. I'm so sorry Reece.. I just.. I dont know! I'm sorry."

" I thought you were trying to qoute a book." he said trying to joke.
"Yes I know, Chloe. I know about this person." he sighed. "What about it?"

And just like that, she was lost again. Reece had never seen her speak so passionately about anything other than her books and love stories. And right then, even when he haid understood long ago that this wasn't about him, he couldn't help but fall in love with the woman sitting in front of him, just like he had, years ago.

He couldn't help it. Loving her was more like a reflex. In the beginning, he thought that it was the mystery that attracted him towards her; but he couldn't have been more wrong. For she wasn't just a mystery, she was an entire world in herself. Her aura, her thoughts, her expressions; it all drew a person towards her. She wasn't perfect, but even the world wasn't. She had her own flaws, beliefs, insecurities, failures, joy and pain. Everything.

And she made him want to learn her - all that she was and that she wasn't. So as she spoke again, he was immediately engrossed.

"And when they leave, its like everything is incomplete. Or more like, nothing is left that isn't ruined. Not even you. Because you think and mope and question and God knows what! But you don't have an answer. Its like stepping into an alternate universe or like waking up from a coma and trying to fit in the missing pieces somehow, but its never enough, because those lingering thoughts find you in your darkest nights and your brightest days. You're emotionally paralysed. And you try to convince yourself but its not enough, and no matter how many people tell you, its still not enough because its not them who's missing. So gradually you close off."

"And that was why you were like that." he finished for her.

" Yes. And maybe I still am. You know there's nit a single day when I dont have to give myself a pep talk. When I dont have to tell myself that not everyone is bad. Hell, even he wasn't ! Its just... You know, everything ends one day or another, and I don't like that idea one bit. I know I'm not making sense right now."

"I understand. And I also know that you dont need an Everything-happens-for-good or There-can't-be-beginnings-without-endings speech, because I'm sure you've got enough of them. I'll ask you just one thing - why are you telling me this now? Is everything okay?"

She sighed. "Reece, the question is, after all of this, if that person comes back to you, will you be able to trust that person? Trust them enough to come back and maybe break you once again if things go wrong?"

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