Promise?

Chapter 10

"That is what I'm scared about. That he'll leave. That things will go wrong once again. That it won't matter to him even a bit. And this time, I know I think I wouldn't be able to take it; but I will.
And that's what scares me. That it will be okay. Or I'll pretend it will be okay.
That if ever I have a relationship, I will be thinking of how there wouldn't be a heartbreak. Because there will be no heart. I mean, is that even fair?"

"No, its not. But right now, I'm not sure what are you afraid of. I mean, aren't you already not afraid of heartbreak? Its all in your mind. You've convinced yourself that something will go wrong. Why?"

"Because that is what always happens. That is what has always happened to me. I can't think of a time when I could totally rely on someone for them to be always there. I can't remember a time when I wasn't scared of getting close to somebody. Its just there. The insecurity."

"Who made you like this?" he asked, wanting to know who it was. Wanting to have a name to curse.

"Nobody. Life. Or maybe its just me. I don't know. And I can't even figure it out." she said, sighing; feeling hopeless.

"You know, you make me believe that broken things are the most beautiful."

"He made me believe that too. Like I'd even dive headfirst to fix him; even if that would break me. Then we'd both be beautiful. But look where I am now.
And I'd never wan't to break you. I'd never want for you to sit like this one day and wonder how it all went wrong or why it wasn't meant to be or why it didn't work out."

"But maybe, that's how its meant to be. We're all here for destruction after all. You can't tell me otherwise." he said.

" I'm sorry. I really am. "

" Its not okay. But I understand. Atleast I'm trying to. Shall we leave?"

"Yeah, I'm done." she said.

"And you know what? Just talk to him once. It can't get any worse as it is."

"Yeah. I'll think about it."

"Sometimes, I think you're afraid of the truth."

It made her really angry to hear him say that. So angry that she was ready to put up a fight.
" Oh. And how is that?" she asked challenging him.

"You're scared that he'll stay. You're scared of the fact that he matters to you even after so long. That he matters to you even when he shouldn't. You're scared to accept that someone can love you. Scared that maybe you aren't good enough. Scared that someone loves you inspite of all the flaws. But mostly you're scared that you can't do the same for them. Because when you say everybody leaves; that you believe it to be true, it means that you do it too. What we expect is a reflection of what we do to others. You're scared that you aren't good enough to make it work. That maybe one day, you'll walk away so that he can be happy. Without you."

She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to accept it. Even when she knew he was right.

"What do you want me to do then huh?" she asked with defiance.

"I just wan't you to be brave. I want you to fight your fears and be happy with him instead of fighting your feelings. Now I know you'll never approach him. Your ego won't allow you to do that. But promise me, the next time he talks, listen to the guy. I'm not asking you to put all your questions on the table and just get it over with. Just, talk to him okay?"

"Its not ego if its defense mechanism."

"Whatever you say." he said, sarcastically.

"I will, try to talk I mean."

"Without making jabs at him, or taunting him or letting him know of how much you hate him. In a socially acceptable way."

"That, I'll try. No promises, though."

"Thankyou." he said, laughing.

"No! Thank you. How can you not be angry. How can you be listening to me and asking me to talk to him. How can you not once show that you're mad at me. I do that to him."

" Perhaps maybe we all have broken hearts which hurt a bit less when they get broken furthermore. Or perhaps I love you too much to be mad at you." he said, looking into her eyes.

"Which one is the truth?" she asked desperately.

"Maybe you'll never know." he smiled and proceeded to hug her.

"I'm sorry." that was all she could say.

"I'm sure it'll be okay." he said